One Of Your Fathers
by Pegli One
Summary: What if Obi-wan had once been in love with Anakin? What if Anakin had struggled with conflicting sexual feelings as well as the pull of the two sides of the Force? What if Luke and Leia had once had two fathers only to end up losing one to darkness? This is the familiar tale of a romance destined to end in tragedy with a slight twist. It is mostly set in the prequel era.
1. Prologue: Remembering

_**Author's Note:** In case this is not obvious this story deals with sexual relationships between people of the same sex. The early parts will have little sexual content and the later parts will have more. However, I will not be writing anything that could be considered pornographic (or "sexually explicit"). Still if you do not like reading about such things then you have been warned. _

_**Prologue: Remembering**_

The black figure gazed at the young man who stood at the end of the narrow beam, gripping the metal spire, so close to him, yet so far. Luke Kenobi was glaring, nostrils flared, not at the bloody stump, which was what remained of his left arm, but at him. Contempt flowed from him in waves carried by the Force.

"I'll never join you," he said, through gritted teeth.

Behind the cold mask, a smirk creased his disfigured face. This defiance was familiar and could prove useful if the story in motion wound up matching his own. "If you only knew the power of the dark side," said his synthesised voice, "Obi-wan never told you what happened to your other father."

Luke stepped onto the metallic ring at the base of the spire then turned towards him once more. "Obi-wan was my only father and you killed him."

"No, I am one of your fathers, your true father."

"No, no," said Luke, his face twisted and his eyes bulging, "That's not true. That's impossible."

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true."

He cried out twice more, his protest loud enough to be heard over the howling wind.

"Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny, just as mine was to defeat the Jedi. They were liars and manipulators, even Obi-wan. For sixteen years, he deceived me. He stole you from me, along with your mother and sister. Now you have returned. Join me and together we will rule the galaxy as father and son." He extended a rigid hand.

Luke stayed silent.

"Come with me. It is the only way."

To his dismay, the defeated rebel leader refused to draw closer. Instead, he leaned back and plunged into the chasm below.

For a few moments, he waited on the platform. His mechanical breathes audible over the rushing air. Then, filled with deep sorrow, he headed for the safety of the low, triangular tunnels, where he had fought his latest duel.

He did not fear that the aspiring Jedi was dead. Luke was alive. He sensed it through the Force, but it disturbed him to see his son denounce him and risk death instead of allying with him. This was the boy he had held, fed and lulled to sleep for three years. He wondered if his aggressive deeds were monstrous enough to turn his own child against him.

 _No_ , he told himself, _Obi-wan did this. He taught Luke to hate me. He wants him to kill me. His betrayal was total._

He tried to summon the ruthless anger he believed made him strong, but the image of his former master triggered a different set of thoughts. Memories which refused to fade became vivid. To his shame, he surrendered to the ceaseless stream which softened his parched heart and became lost in dreams of light, laughter and love, born of a recent, yet distant, past.

* * *

 _I hope you enjoyed this introduction. The next chapter will be more focused on the prequel era. Please leave a review to let me know what you think and check out my other story if you have the time._


	2. Chapter 1: Promises

**Author's Note:** _This chapter is dedicated to the victims of the Orlando nightclub shooting which occurred last Sunday (the 12th of June 2016) and was motivated largely by anti-gay attitudes. While this story will be filled with conflict and tragedy, my intention is to generally portray gay characters and relationships in a sympathetic manner, even while I do not always agree with the positions of the gay rights movement. If you have concerns about the way I address such issues please leave a review. Feel free to tell me you liked the story too. Any reviews are better than none._

 _I try to stick as close to the canon world as possible when I write fan fiction, though given the subject matter a certain amount of creative license has been taken with the characters. I do however believe that I have stayed true to the essence of the characters. As always, feel free to disagree._

 ** _Chapter 1: Promises  
_**

Anakin Skywalker packed his luggage in a hurry. To his relief, it did not take long since he owned few personal possessions. Though he often bemoaned the harshness of the Jedi Order and its rules, he admitted they had their advantages.

His task almost complete, he tried to stow the white roses he had picked for Padme Amidala such that they would not be quarantined upon their arrival in Naboo. He was contemplating hiding them under the dirty, pale cloak he wore in place of his regular robes, when a knock at the door startled him. Anakin dropped the roses onto his bed, dashed to the door and opened it to find Obi-wan Kenobi, looking back at him with a slight smile.

"You seem nervous," said the Jedi Master. He leaned to the right, as if hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever was behind Anakin, and laughed. "If you think you can get those past the scent detector droids you can forget it. I'm surprised the whole of Coruscant can't smell them."

"I was hoping to mask their scent with your dirty socks," said Anakin, flashing a cheeky grin.

"This is a serious matter, my Padawan," said Obi-wan, "You could tarnish the reputation of the whole Order if you're caught breaking the regulations of interplanetary travel. Our image is compromised enough thanks to the influence of the Separatists."

"Padme and I are travelling in secret, Master. If nobody knows who we are, I doubt the flowers will damage our fragile image."

"It's a risky move nonetheless. As you're aware, foreign organic matter must not be imported into Naboo. It could spread infections."

"Foreign organic matter," said Anakin, snorting, "is that an official term for roses or did you invent it?"

"It's the term used by the quarantine droids on Naboo and I did not create the laws of the planet, but I insist you adhere to them. Next time, I will not hesitate to report you to the Jedi Council."

"You mean you're not going to report me now?"

"No," he said, "I find it hard to do what I'm supposed to when the welfare of someone I care for is at stake. It's an unfortunate, but not unusual tendency."

"At least we have something in common. I thought I was the only member of the Order with feelings."

"Jedi are not without feelings, but we don't allow ourselves to be ruled by them. To love others is natural for us. Such sentiments become dangerous only if we let them to consume us. You shouldn't devote your entire life to fulfilling the needs and desires of a single person, no matter how important they are to you. To do so is no different from obsessing over your own wants and you know where such selfishness can lead. I don't want that for you, my Padawan."

Anakin returned to the bed, picked up the bundle of roses and admired them in the sunlight. "I understand. The Jedi Code forbids me from forming a strong attachment to Padme, but I can't choose how I feel."

"This isn't just a matter of obeying the Code. You must look after your own wellbeing and fulfill your duties. Be careful. Don't give away so much of your heart that there is none left for others."

Anakin turned his head to stare at Obi-wan. "What do you mean?"

"Isn't it clear? We must devote pieces of our hearts to every citizen of the Republic who relies on our help and, well, one member of the Order is greedy enough to want more from you. A prominent Jedi intends to ask permission from the Council to court you. I encourage you to make use of this opportunity."

"Court me? I thought Jedi weren't allowed to marry."

"For much of the galaxy, marriage means wasting scarce savings on fancy suits, towering cakes and absurd rituals to make an elaborate declaration of love or, in truth, crazed lust. We don't allow such silliness. We have our own way of celebrating genuine romantic unions, which form when compatible individuals interact and achieve a deep connection, with the assistance of the Force. No such ceremony has taken place for thousands of years, but you are a unique man and you're more than capable of forming such a bond."

"You taught me that Jedi shouldn't become bonded to anyone."

"What we teach young students is a simplified version of our worldview and norms. It's time you learned them in full. Obsessive attachments are not permitted, however, in rare circumstances, healthy, romantic relationships are, if they occur under the direction of the Council. If you decide to enter into the arrangement, you and your partner will swear to put your commitment to the Order first. Your bond must be balanced with the rest of your life."

"I don't think I can have such a controlled relationship," said Anakin, his breath quickening, "That's not the way I am, at least not with Padme. Her beauty overpowers me."

"Then it is unwise to be in a relationship with her, but if you married another Jedi you could work together to make sure you shared the right sort of love. Your partner would understand your predicament better than anyone outside the Order."

"Who is this Jedi who's interested in me?"

"Oh, someone familiar to you."

"Are you sure? I'm not popular with the women I've met here. As handsome as I am, most find me odd and frightening."

Obi-wan sighed. "I'm not sure how to say this without distressing you, my Padawan, but the Jedi who's after you isn't a woman."

"You mean a man wants to marry me? Does the Council allow that?"

"Why yes, despite our strictness, we aren't backwards. We never forbid anything without sound reasons. Marriages between men are permitted among Jedi, as are marriages between women."

Anakin raised his palm to his forehead. "I've never heard of such things."

"Where you come from they are banned, aren't they?"

"I have no idea what the laws of Tatooine are. I was nothing but a slave there."

Obi-wan approached Anakin and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You were always more, you know that."

"Either way, I can't tell you if it was illegal for men to marry each other. It just never happened. Can men even love each other that way?"

"Some do and just because you never expected something to happen doesn't mean it can't. As a child, you didn't think you would become a Jedi and look at you now. You've proven yourself to be a talented Jedi indeed."

Anakin sensed the hand upon his shoulder tremble. "This is different," he said. "No matter how improbable it was, I always wanted to travel the galaxy and become a hero, but being with another man is too strange. I've never met anyone who lives that way. I don't know how to, Master."

"I suspect you're clever enough to figure it out," said Obi-wan, smirking, "besides I'm sure you have come across men who love other men and women who love other women. They just never told you. These topics can make people uncomfortable, but I assure you, they aren't a cause for shame. Many great Jedi married other men. Such relationships are common given how few women make it into the Order."

"The Council never did have much respect for them," said Anakin, with a huff.

"Don't be too harsh on the Council, my Padawan. You can't expect us to change the rules just so you can find a suitable replacement for Senator Amidala."

"I meant it as a matter of principle, Master. Jedi are meant to promote fairness."

Obi-wan sniggered. "It's a matter of principle indeed, but have patience. The Order has high standards and it is noble to hold us to them, but thousands of years of tradition can't change overnight."

"Why not? If you were in control of the Council, you could make whatever changes you wanted."

"Me?" Obi-wan, his eyes wide, raised his chin to look at Anakin. "You believe I should be in charge of the Jedi Order?"

"Yes, you're a good man and you understand the Force better than anyone, even though you don't have the same natural abilities that I do. You worked hard to become as powerful as you are and I respect your efforts. Despite our disagreements, I've benefited from your guidance and the Council could too. You're an excellent leader, Master."

"I am flattered, Anakin," said Obi-wan, his cheeks turning red, "but the Order doesn't work that way. We're a democratic organisation. I can't govern it by force."

"I don't understand why the Jedi, or the Republic for that matter, settle for time wasting and corruption. If I had my way, you would run the Order, while Padme ruled the Republic alongside the Chancellor and made everyone act the way they should. It would be refreshing to live in a galaxy ruled by honest and capable people, rather than greedy, bickering morons."

"Leadership is not that simple, my Padawan, but I'm honoured you think so highly of me. I thought I had disappointed you. I overheard what you told Senator Amidala."

"You did?" Anakin lowered his head. "I apologise for getting angry and questioning your authority, but I fear you underestimate me. Do you really think I'll fail the trials?"

"If you did, it wouldn't be because of incompetence, but impulsiveness. You must learn self control, but it was selfish and wrong to make you wait so long before taking the trials. They will be challenging and somewhat gruesome, but I believe you'll pass. That's why I haven't permitted you to take them."

Anakin snarled. "How can you stop me from moving forward? As my mentor, you're meant to help me, not keep me weak." He jerked his shoulder back, forcing Obi-wan to let go of him.

"I am only human and I haven't always done the right thing, but I will now. When you return from Naboo, I'll allow you to face the trials, assuming you're alive and well."

"Why didn't you let me take them earlier?"

"The truth is I don't want to lose you. Once you pass the trials you'll no longer be my Padawan. We may still be assigned to some missions together, but we'll be separated most of the time."

"I understand," said Anakin, breathing out and smiling, "you are scared you might fall into another nest of gundarks and need someone to save you. Don't worry, you're much stronger now. You can manage without me."

"No, that's not it."

"Then what is it?"

Obi-wan, his face scarlet, opened his mouth but no words came.

Anakin let go of the roses, rushed towards him and placed a hand upon his quivering jaw. "Are you alright? Is something wrong? Answer me."

As his master relaxed his head against his hand, he felt a tug through the Force. At first it confused him, but then he remembered their prior conversation and realised its meaning.

"You're the Jedi," said Anakin, "the one who wants to court me."

Obi-wan nodded, his eyes twinkling.

Anakin slowed his breathes. "I should've guessed by now. Why didn't I?"

"You spent years looking for affection in the wrong places, my Padawan," said Obi-wan, his voice soft, "when for years, I've been here, ready to give you what you seek."

"Since I was a child!" Anakin tensed his hand, but kept it in place.

"Oh no, I swear I had no inappropriate feelings towards you when you were a boy, but you're no longer a boy. The closer you get to true adulthood and the more you become my equal, the more attractive I find you. I'm confident you'll be one of the most impressive Jedi Knights who ever lived."

"I am a powerful man and since you are well attuned to the Force, it makes sense that you're drawn to my strength."

"There is far more to you, and every renowned Jedi, than power, Anakin. You're caring, courageous and committed to serving the greater good, no matter how misguided your views sometimes are. Don't disregard your gentler side. Please, give me a chance to love you."

"You can't compel me to be with you. That would be a betrayal of your principles."

"You're right," said Obi-wan, "which is why I will not coerce you, but instead set you free in the hope that you'll return by your own volition. Though, if you no longer want associate with me once you pass the trials, I will accept your decision and contain my desires, as a Jedi must. I'll learn to live in peace without you, though it will be difficult."

"Master," said Anakin, releasing a deep breath. "You're my friend and I don't want us to separate, but I can't marry you. I'm not that kind of man."

"Oh really?" Obi-wan reached up and stroked his collarbone. "I suspect you are or at least you could be. I've seen how you look at Chancellor Palpatine. It makes me want to smack the smug grin off his pale face."

"You sound angry and possessive, everything you say I shouldn't be."

"Anger is indeed dangerous when not controlled. As your master, I'm tempted to chastise you for your outburst earlier, but it's time you learned to make such criticisms yourself. The key to handling dangerous emotions is to reflect on them. While that takes practice and discipline, it's not too difficult in the long run."

"Then control how you feel towards me. If what you say is true, you shouldn't care if I reject you."

"I am controlling my feelings," said Obi-wan, rubbing his hand back and forth, "that is why the Chancellor is still alive. It is also why my arm is not yet around your waist and my lips not upon yours."

Anakin chuckled. "You're too short to kiss me unless I bend my head."

"I can order you to bend your head and if I do, you'll have to obey me."

"That would be an abuse of your power, Master," said Anakin, dropping his hand from his cheek.

"Power is easy to abuse and as Jedi we are quite powerful, which is why we must control our urges, but we don't need to stop having them. Through meditation, I've examined my feelings and realised that they don't need to be in conflict with our duties. I promise to pursue my interest in a way that respects both you and the Order. Whatever we do together, I'll make sure you agree to it and enjoy it, but I doubt Palpatine will treat you the same way. I have a bad feeling about that man and can't understand what you see in him."

"Don't insult the Chancellor, Master. He is a charismatic and wise leader. He may not be as idealistic or inspirational as Padme, but he is the legitimate ruler of the Republic and has done a fine job. The Senate certainly thinks so."

"Just promise you'll be careful around him. I sense he wants something more from you."

"So do you."

"Yes, but I'm committed to using honest means to win you over, which is more than can be said for any politician. Men like that will stop at nothing to get their way. I fear for you and don't want you to make a decision you'll regret."

"The Chancellor is my friend and guardian, nothing more," said Anakin, "though I do admire his elegant movements and quiet, yet confident, words." A dreamy expression crossed his face.

Obi-wan grimaced. "He is forty years older than you."

"He looks dignified for his age."

"Looks can be deceiving. His youthful appearance strikes me as unnatural and it is irrelevant. His advanced age has given him life experience and political power. It is dangerous for you to be his close friend, let alone have a romantic interest in him. Use caution, I beg you."

"Your contempt for the Chancellor is hypocritical. You're older than me too, by sixteen years, I believe, and you've achieved the rank of Jedi Master."

"If I recall your earlier words, you claimed you were ahead of me. Do make your accusations consistent. I can't become both more and less powerful for your sake."

"I didn't ask you to do either. You're the one insisting I not get involved with someone older and more experienced. If you believe that, why are you so eager to court me? Isn't it wrong to have such a relationship with your Padawan?"

"It is. While you're under my control, I will restrain myself. You have my word."

"How do I know you'll keep it?"

"You know how patient I am. I spent years wanting you and you never noticed. If I can wait that long, I can wait a little longer, while encouraging your advancement within the Order. Soon you'll pass the trails and after that I expect you to become a Jedi Master too. You have a natural gift for using the Force, one I will never have. If you married someone your age, you would have the advantage over them. My experience balances your power. I am your best chance for a fair and equal relationship. Don't settle for less."

"Equality and balance aren't everything. What about love, Master? How can you ask me to marry someone I don't love?"

"You care for me, Anakin, don't deny it."

"Yes, but not in the way you want me to."

"You can learn to."

Anakin raised an eyebrow. "Learn to?"

"One aspect of controlling your emotions is summoning the more pleasant ones when you need them. It is far easier than stopping or preventing emotions. Given enough time, I can teach you to love me."

"You don't need to teach me to love. I just don't love you. I love Padme."

"Your infatuation with her will not end well and neither will your attraction to the Chancellor. If you allow me to court you and we marry, our lives will turn out much better. We will not need to hide our relationship or betray the Order. Picture it, Anakin, two talented Jedi Masters, two complete equals, enjoying their time together, growing in their knowledge of the Force and learning to love each other through it." Obi-wan laid his hands on his arms, just above his wrists, as if he hoped the loose connection would transfer the mental image.

The Force flowed into Anakin, helping him relax. "It is a beautiful vision," he said. "I only wish it could be real. It would be safer to love another Jedi, especially one I know so well. You always stand by me, no matter how much danger we're in and never give up on me, despite my stubbornness. You've guided me well and you'll make a fine husband one day, just not to me. Whoever marries you will be happy."

"Why deprive yourself of such happiness? Do you not appreciate my company? I can't be that unpleasant a partner." He strengthened his hold on his Padawan, who placed his own hands upon him in the same manner, allowing the Force to flow between them unrestricted.

"I can't change who I am, Master," said Anakin, choosing his words with care. "I will never be what you need me to be." He let go of Obi-wan, backed away from him and sank onto the bed. "I'm sorry you fell in love with the wrong man."

"I didn't. I fell in love with a kind and loyal friend, one who is more capable of love than any other Jedi. Promise you'll consider agreeing to our courtship."

"That is the third promise you've asked me to make today. The first two were challenging enough."

"Then this promise can be your last, and most important, one. It'll be easier to resist risky passions if you have an assigned partner."

"Do you think you can out compete the others?"

"This isn't a competition. I want to help you. You have great potential. Don't let it be wasted because you failed to obey our norms."

"Then I'll consider your offer, but I can't promise more."

He finished packing in silence, picked up his bags and headed for the door. As he reached it, Obi-wan caught his arm and pressed his lips to his ear. "Two out of three," he said.

Anakin meet his gaze and gulped the air caught in his throat. "What do you mean?" His master was taller than he had assumed and his face so close that he doubted Obi-wan could avoid acting on his desires.

"You don't always go along with my instructions, but you can keep at least two of those promises, can't you? You can decide which will be easiest for you."

"Fine," said Anakin, "when I return to Coruscant, I'll tell you my decision regarding our courtship, but don't get your hopes up. I would hate to see them crushed."

"I know you would," said Obi-wan, massaging his arm.

"Stop that! Don't touch me without my permission."

"What will happen if I do?"

His hands occupied by his luggage, Anakin gestured with his head at the light sabre attached to his belt.

"You wouldn't dare kill your master."

"You can't be my master forever, no matter how hard it is for you to let go of me."

"Oh, I don't believe you'll stab your husband either."

Anakin yanked his arm away, activated the fingerprint sensor on the wall and left without a second glance. Then, outside the room, he lowered his bags, dropped to the floor and rested his palms against the closed door.

* * *

 _My Star Wars related stories are based around the world portrayed in the film series, since those are the Star Wars materials I am most familiar with. They may not be fully consistent with other aspects of the Star Wars universe._ _ _Feel free to mention additional information about the world of Star Wars in your reviews if you feel they are relevant._ _


	3. Chapter 2: Pains

**Author's Note:** _It is Father's Day in Australia today, so I thought I would finally finish this chapter in honour of my favourite fictional father (Anakin, of course, even though he is not yet a father in this chapter)._

 _So far this story is taking place alongside the canon scenes in the Attack of the Clones film. When you are reading this story you can assume that the events not clearly described or referenced happened the same way as it did in the film. The story will start to diverge more from the canon story later on._

 ** _Chapter 2: Pains  
_**

Anakin and Padme kept their identities secret while travelling to Naboo. Official records classed them as refugees, but under the influence of the Jedi Council, the crew of the large passenger carrier treated them with the upmost respect. Upon boarding the crowded ship, they received a private and spacious quarter to themselves.

While R2-D2 guarded the entrance, Anakin sat near a small circular window staring into literal space and wiped his sleeve across his forehead to remove the beads of sweat forming on it.

Padme, who was pacing back and forth, stopped next to Anakin and laid a gentle hand upon his scalp. "You look worried," she said.

"So do you," he said, his eyes still focused on the world beyond.

"I have an assassin after me. What's your excuse?"

Anakin took a deep breath. "Well, aside from the fact that it's my job to protect you from this mysterious assassin, I'm anxious about the future of the Republic."

"You sense it coming, don't you Annie?"

"Sense what?"

"A war between the Separatists and the Republic."

"I sense danger, but your optimism is admirable. It must be difficult reasoning with traitors, but I'm glad you're making the effort. The Chancellor is a wise man who's prepared to do what is necessary to preserve the Republic, but he…"

"He relies too much on aggression," said Padme.

"You can't fault him for that. He doesn't have your charm."

Padme sniggered. "You don't need charm to be an effective negotiator, Annie, you just need to see the good in people. I'm sure the Separatists aspire towards peace as much as we do, but they have other demands too. Perhaps if they had the chance to voice them, we could find a common solution."

"You would compromise with them?"

"If that's what it took to prevent more bloodshed. I don't want the galaxy to be divided but perhaps there are other options. For instance, we could grant the systems that belong to the movement more control over their own affairs, more freedom within the Republic."

"The Separatists are too ambitious and greedy to accept that offer. Even if they did, it would weaken the Republic by destroying the unity that exists among its members."

"Yes, but at least the Republic, as well as the liberty, democracy and safety it provided, would still exist. I'm willing to make sacrifices to keep those values alive. We each need to be prepared to sacrifice something. If everyone pursued whatever they wanted, without regard for others, there would be violence without end. Few can survive in such a galaxy."

"I suppose that's why the Jedi Order expects me to control my desires and emotions, but it's not easy. Sometimes I want to stop fighting and give into it."

"Give into what?"

Anakin rose to his feet and faced her, his expression intense. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes," said Padme, running her fingers along his back, "Tell me everything. Whatever it is, I'll keep it secret, I swear."

"I'm not sure where to begin." Since their journey began, Anakin had wanted to tell her about his nightmares, the difficulties of living as a Jedi and his feelings for her. Now he was plagued by yet another set of concerns. _Obi-wan_ , he thought, _why did you force another burden onto me?_ "The problem is," he said, "I have abilities most only dream of and I am not doing enough with them. I should be using them to change the galaxy for the better, but I'm not. I believe in the Jedi ideal, but I can't live up to it."

Padme rested her hand on the back of his neck. "Such responsibilities are tough to handle, but at least you have someone to lead you. We politicians are isolated by our power."

"So am I," said Anakin, turning towards the window once more, "Obi-wan can't help me anymore."

"Why not? He understands what it means to be a Jedi far more than I do and he's taken on the role of training you. It's his duty to support and guide you along this path."

"I wish he could, but things are different between us now. I can't trust him. He's hidden things from me and restricted me, without sound reason. Now I have no one to turn to in the Order."

"What do you mean things are different? What did he do? Did he hurt you?"

"Not on purpose." For a few moments, Anakin stayed silent, his chin pressed against his fist. He wanted to reveal what had happened, but he sure if he understood it himself. In the end, he opted for a more neutral statement and awaited her response. "He's going to let me take the trails."

"That's you wanted, isn't it, Annie? Now you can become a true Jedi Knight and live out your dreams. You don't need to be nervous. If what I've heard about you is true, you'll do well."

"I'm not nervous," he said, his gaze focused on the stars outside. "I will pass the trials, but I'm concerned that Obi-wan is only giving me permission to move on because he wants me to owe him a debt, so he'll get what he wants afterwards."

"What are you talking about? What does he want?"

"Something I fear he'll never get from me."

* * *

Padme sat down beside Anakin on the floor of the dim garage that belonged to the Lars family. "To be angry is to be human," she said, leaning in towards him.

"I'm a Jedi," he said, trembling, "I know I'm better than this." He sniffled and lowered his head, his eyes screwed shut to hide his tears.

Padme stroked the back of his neck and his cheek. "Annie, relax, you've gone through something terrible and you're only human. Your mother was the only parent you had and she died far too soon, in a brutal way. I can't imagine losing those I loved at such a young age, nor can I imagine having your power. Anyone with your abilities could've done the same thing in such circumstances."

"I am no ordinary man, Padme," said Anakin, raising his head, "I can't afford to have such weaknesses. A Jedi must control their anger, that's the only way we can be worthy of the power given to us by the Force. It exists to be used for the right purpose, to maintain peace in the galaxy, and I used it to bring more suffering and death. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did, but I don't know how to stop myself from doing it again, if anyone else is killed. I don't want to be ruled by rage. There must be something I can do, there must be."

Padme wrapped her arms around Anakin and pressed her chest against his. "You should tell Obi-wan what happened," she said, as he nuzzled her shoulder, "Even if you're mad at him, I'm sure he doesn't want you to be in such pain. Maybe he can teach you to manage your emotions."

Anakin snarled. "He can't even manage his own. He only pretends to."

"Even if that's truth, you can't blame him. The Jedi have high expectations. If you ask me they're too high and I doubt anyone in the Order meets them. You're the same as the others, Annie." She held him close and ran her hand along his rib cage.

"I try to be," he said. "The Jedi are peacekeepers. They don't seek revenge or kill innocents. Obi-wan would be horrified if he found out the man he loved was a murderer."

"He'll be disappointed and he might make you wait longer before taking the trails, but after sticking with you for ten years, he will not abandon you. He's your friend, your mentor."

"He's like my father," said Anakin, "but that only makes everything worse." He breathed in to stop himself from shouting. His chest ached. "How can he feel that way?"

"You can't be angry at Obi-wan for getting attached to you, even if the Jedi forbid it. The two of you travel the galaxy together and risk your lives for each other. Of course, he cares for you."

"I wish that were all he felt."

Padme pulled back from him and cupped his cheeks. "What happened, Anakin?"

"Obi-wan has fallen in love with me. He wants to court me and marry me or that's what he told me. I don't know what he really wants, but whatever it is, it's not right."

After a moment of silence, Padme returned her hands to her lap, "It must be shocking, hearing that from a fellow Jedi. I understand why you're frightened. He's older and he has power over you, but just because you see him as a father, doesn't mean he sees you as a son. Maybe he has realised that you're an adult, like you wanted him to and that's why he is so critical, because he expects so much."

"Well, I haven't lived up to those expectations. Whatever he thinks I am, I'm not it. I can't prevent myself from forming attachments, as he told me I should, before he decided he was in love with me. Why can't he pick one set of rules and follow them?"

"He probably can't help himself, Annie, the same way you can't help how you feel towards me."

"He told me he could. He thinks love is a choice that can be learned and controlled. If he's right, how can he pick such a destructive path? How can he be so selfish?"

"I realise that you're bothered by his desires. They go against what is typical for both men and Jedi, but they aren't wrong, whether he chose them or not. By the laws of the Republic he has as much right to marry you as I do, once you're no longer his student. You may never return his feelings, but you must accept that he has them and they don't make him an evil person."

Anakin pressed his forehead against his bent knees. "You don't understand. His desire to keep me helpless, which he calls love, is the reason my mother is dead. He didn't let me face the trails, because the more my power grows, the less I need him and he hates that. If he had never loved me, I would've been strong enough to save her."

"Annie, no Jedi, not even a Jedi Master, has ever stopped a death while it happened and you were too far away to stop her from being taken."

"I wasn't too far away to sense her pain," said Anakin, his chest constricting at the memory of his nightmares. "To a true master of the Force, space means nothing. The Force is everywhere and connects everything. Obi-wan taught me that, so either he lied about its power or he limited mine."

"Even if his aim is to keep you weak, he'll never succeed," said Padme, smiling. "The Force is mysterious, but you've shown me that it's real and you can use it. Nobody in the Order can take away your connection. I wish you luck in the trials and I hope you are granted the rank of Jedi Knight, but you're strong without it. It's only a label and so is the position of senator."

Anakin reflected on her words, his heartbeat slowing. "Yet, you're as powerful as you are brilliant."

"My power comes from the people of Naboo. They trust me. That's why the Queen chose me for the role of senator. I'm proud to have that responsibility, but I don't need a title to influence the galaxy and neither do you. You can learn more about the Force and use it in new ways without permission from Obi-wan or anyone on the Jedi Council."

"They wouldn't be pleased to hear that," said Anakin, raising his head and sniggering, "Still, you're right. If we both have power they can't control, it doesn't make sense to be afraid."

"I try not to be, but my power isn't limitless. Sometimes I worry that nothing I do matters and I find myself wanting to do more, but that very wish is the reason we're heading for war. I've seen leaders, on both sides, pursue power, only to have their ambition build until it overshadowed any other concern. Now any hope of a peaceful resolution is fading."

"I can't imagine you failing, Padme. Once we're off this cursed planet, your clever, diplomatic mind will find a last minute solution to this mess. Then everything will be put right, except what happened here. It's too late for me to save her or change what I did."

"What you did was wrong, but at least you recognise that. In my years as a politician, I've encountered tyrants whose aggression far outweighs yours, yet they think nothing of it. Violence is normal to them. You're not like that, Annie. You're a kind and caring man, who can learn from the past, even if you can't change it. It's not too late to choose a better future."

Anakin breathed out. His eyes watered once more. "You're right, I must not allow my anger to turn me into a monster. I must stay strong. I just need to figure out how. If you know what I must do, tell me, I beg you."

"You know what I will say and you're not going to like it. I can't always be your personal advisor. As soon as the threat against my life passes I must return to my civil duties, but there is someone else. You have a loyal companion, who would spend his whole life with you if let him and I think that's wonderful, regardless of the rules of the Jedi. You're not required to marry him, regardless of how much he loves you, but you shouldn't be dishonest with him. It may be difficult, but anyone that devoted to you deserves to hear the truth."

"Obi-wan must never find out," said Anakin, "If he does he'll turn me into the Jedi Council. I'll have to leave the Order. Then any chance to repay my debt to the galaxy will be lost."

"You owe no such debt, not a legal one, in any case. The Tusken Raiders are not recognised as beings with rights. They are ruthless and without compassion, so their relative intelligence only makes them crueller. Your crime was against your own moral principles, not the Republic. Even if you're forced out of the Order, you will not lose your liberties. You'll be able to start over."

Anakin scowled. "I didn't become a Jedi to avoid imprisonment, or slavery for that matter. I want to stay. I can't let my abilities go to waste or else I would be responsible for more misery."

"If being a Jedi means that much to you, Obi-wan will respect your decision not to tell the Council, just as I will. Don't forget, I'm a politician, Annie, I can destroy your reputation far more than any Jedi. It's what we do best. If you trust me, why not trust a truthful man who loves you?"

"He isn't like you, Padme. On the day I met you, as a young boy, you told me you cared for me and you meant it. I sensed your love. Obi-wan spent the early years of my apprenticeship treating me like a burden and wishing Qui-gon were alive to train me instead. Even as I grew stronger, nothing I did impressed him. No other Padawan ever got held to such standards."

"High standards give us something to aspire to. He was fulfilling his duty as your master, motivating you to improve. You wouldn't be where you are today without his training."

"Whatever his aims, he didn't act as if he loved me. He never praised me or showed me any warmth. He only gave me orders. How can such coldness be called love?"

"Feelings can change, Anakin."

"That is why I can't tell him what happened. I don't want his feelings to change."

Padme raised an eyebrow. A slight smile crept across her face. "You mean you want his love?"

"No, I don't. I wish everything would go back to how it was, when my mother wasn't dead, Obi-wan was only my Jedi Master and the worst crime he could accuse me of stubbornness. We had a strong connection and worked well together. He ruined that."

"He didn't, Annie. Your friendship isn't over and besides you weren't happy then either. You longed for his approval and it sound as if you wanted his affection too."

"I didn't want anything from him. Qui-gon should've been my master. He respected me from the start, valued me and understood me. If he were here, I could ask him for help. He would be patient and forgiving. He would teach me himself instead of relying on the Council. Obi-wan can't do that. He would only judge me and despise me. I don't need his love and I don't need him as my master, but I don't want him to hate me."

"You can't know how he'll react unless you tell him and then his feelings will become clear and you can decide what kind of relationship to have. Whatever path you choose, I'll always respect you and he will too."

Anakin stretched his legs out and sat in silence, holding back fresh tears. He tried to imagine what would happen if confessed his misdemeanours. Though he did not envision a single positive outcome, he foresaw how painful it would be to hold in his guilt. "I understand. I can't condemn Obi-wan for misleading me if I refuse to reveal my own secrets to him. Even if he does tell the Council he would only be doing what he is supposed to. Besides, the Order wouldn't dare expel someone as powerful and important as me."

Padme placed her hand upon his knee. "So you'll tell him?" she said.

"I'll try to, but I don't expect it to be easy."

"The sooner you tell him the easier it will be and waiting will only make it harder."

"It's hard enough already," he said, looking straight into her eyes, "but I can't let that stop me."

Padme hugged him once more. "That is the courageous Anakin that Obi-wan fell in love with," she said, patting his shoulder, "I hope he gets to see more of him."

"I just hope neither of you ever has to face the less pleasant side of me."

"You must face it for us, Annie. Can you?"

"Yes," he said, "for those I love, I'll do anything."

The two of them remained on the floor of the garage for several hours and did not let go of each other until the time came to bury the kind woman who once gave birth to Anakin. As her body was lowered into the earth, the young man arrived at a comforting truth. No matter how heavy his heart became, there would always be somebody to help him carry it.

* * *

 _In case this is not clear the line, about Obi-wan being like a father to Anakin is a reference to the same dialogue from the film (which occurred on the ship after Anakin and Padme learn that Obi-wan has been captured). In my story that particular piece of dialogue happens earlier and is not repeated on board the ship later. As for what happens after, well you will just have to wait until I am finished with the next chapter of the story to find out._

 _Sorry I took so long to write this. I have been busy with university stuff and this is not my favourite chapter, but it is a necessary part of the story (as all of you will hopefully see once I have written more of it). I have working on the fun stuff in the meantime (and am looking forward to uploading it), but I hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway._


	4. Chapter 3: Potentials

**Author's Note:** _Here is another chapter, longer than the previous ones and posted in honour of the Day of the Dead. Fair warning, Anakin is at a very low point in this chapter and is so insufferable even I got furious at him. This story works on a bring them down to build them back up principle._

 _ **Chapter 3: Potentials**_

The moment Anakin opened his eyes, a blinding light filled his vision. He wondered if his life had bled away after the duel with Count Dooku. _If I have become one with the Force,_ _I should be relieved,_ he told himself, having never asked what became of those who spent their lives misusing the Force. The idea of discovering upon his death that he had failed as Jedi and allowed himself to become corrupted terrified him enough.

As a child, he had seen himself as a good person. His mother always claimed he was. _Maybe she is here_ , he thought, _if you are there, mother, come to me, please._ Then it occurred to him that Shmi Skywalker may not wish to comfort a vengeful killer and he realised just how much he had lost. He feared a piece of himself had also vanished.

"Anakin, you're awake," said a familiar voice, "and, more importantly, alive."

To confirm he was in the physical world, Anakin tried sensing his surroundings with his right hand, but soon remembered why he could not. _A piece of me is missing,_ he thought, hoping it was the only part that was gone forever. He searched his memories for proof that he had retained the more heroic aspects of his character. "My master," he said, "he upset me, but still I went to Geonosis to rescue him. I showed unconditional love, like a Jedi should."

"I'm thankful for that, my friend," said the voice, "though if you had obeyed me and stayed on Naboo, I would've wasted less time reaching you. Then the Geonosians might not have caught me in the first place."

As Anakin turned his head to examine the white room in which he lay, a face appeared in his blurred vision. He made out a pale brown beard, wavy auburn hair and two wide, blue eyes. He recognised the man in an instant, as his Jedi Master, Obi-wan, though his presence made him uneasy for reasons he did not recall.

"Though if they had captured me while you were on Naboo, nobody would've been close enough to save me. Either way, you had the right intentions and I'm glad you love me that way. It was arrogant to demand more."

These words made Anakin remember the source of his fury. He sat up with a jerk, his head spinning and his breathing rapid. The image of Obi-wan sitting right beside the bed, his folded arms rested upon its edge, came into focus. "Why are you here? What do you want now?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright and bring news."

"The war began. Count Dooku escaped. What more do I need to know?"

"Well, I have pleasant news for a change. Since the Republic took control of Geonosis, we'll be able to minimise our causalities from the battle. These medical bays are ours now. The droids which attended to you and the other injured Jedi were produced by the Separatists. We reprogrammed them to fulfil our purposes and they have done a fine job. You need rest, but are otherwise, in perfect physical health, if their records are trustworthy."

"Why not trust their records? Droids carry out tasks with more precision than any human."

"Yes, but they don't understand the full complexity of our bodies, let alone our minds."

"My droids understand me well enough, better than you do. If C3PO, for instance, wanted to court and marry me, he would buy me flowers first. I taught him that much."

"Roses, I suppose, like you did for Padme. Fortunately, that old fashioned droid is waiting for you on Coruscant. There you can program him to engage in flower giving and whatever other activities you believe should come before a courtship. Of course, an arrangement in which an entity follows your orders without question doesn't count as a real relationship. You'll need to work harder to find real love, my Padawan, and I should've too. My presumptuous behaviour made you feel pressured and for that I'm sorry."

"If you truly regret your actions, then get away from my bed," said Anakin, his brow creased.

"Oh, I don't regret everything. I came to your room, intending to confess my feelings, but unsure how. So I was relieved when you discovered them. I'm only sorry for overwhelming you by acting as if there was no doubt you'd return my affections, but given time, I am sure you will."

"I don't love you like you claim to love me. I made myself clear. If you let me rest in silence now, I'll forgive your moment of foolishness and forget it ever happened."

"I will not accept your forgiveness at such a cost, Anakin. I'll take your anger, if the alternative is for us to separate in a month without you knowing how much I care for you."

"What will happen in a month? Are you dying of a wound you expect will earn my sympathy?"

Obi-wan grinned and shook his head. "After the battle, I contacted the Jedi Council and requested permission for you to face the trials, the last you'll ever attempt as my student. Due to your success in protecting the Senator from serious harm and your courageous though less successful fight with Count Dooku, my request was granted. Pass the trials and you'll only need to tolerate me for another month. That's the other piece of news I came to share."

"That is welcome news."

"Not for me, I'm afraid. I will not give up on you yet. You promised you would tell me your decision when you returned to Coruscant. Since we're not there, I'll wait until we are before I accept that you've dismissed me as a romantic partner."

Anakin snorted. "Then you're no better than a Sith Lord."

"I hope you understand the severity of that accusation. You've encountered a Sith Lord yourself. You know how ruthless they are. I can't be that horrible."

"The Chancellor says a Sith never takes no for an answer and you're refusing to let me tell you no. You're refusing to leave me alone. You might as well tie me to the bed and slice off my hands." Anakin paused. "Wait one moment," he said, glaring at Obi-wan, "you didn't chop off my hand, but Dooku did and you saw it happen. You're tricking me, aren't you? I'll never pass the trials with one hand. You want to keep me under your control and abuse my maimed body for your twisted amusement."

"That's your fury talking, Anakin. You may not have a romantic desire for me, but you don't hate me this much. War and injury have twisted your thoughts. If you took the time to relax and reason through your words you would realise how absurd they sound or you could look under your blanket. I would've removed it myself, but I suspect moving my hand toward you will provoke more of your wrath. Go ahead."

Anakin pulled the pale fabric aside with his left hand to find that his right had been replaced with a mechanical equivalent. To his shock and horror, Obi-wan had intertwined his own natural fingers with the metallic ones and was maintaining a firm grip. "Let go of my artificial hand, Master," said Anakin, grinding his teeth, "unless you want one for yourself."

"That isn't a very effective threat. Firstly, many people, myself included, find hands like yours attractive. Secondly, there are no light sabres available to you at this moment. Those we borrowed during the battle are back in the hands of their owners, I'm strong enough to stop you stealing one from me and you broke yours, remember? For now, you can't mutilate me no matter how much I infuriate you. So, it's out of profound respect and love, not fear, that I'm doing as you demand."

Once Obi-wan had released him, Anakin lifted his new hand and flexed its fingers. "It moves well enough," he said, laying it to rest on the mattress, "but I can't sense anything with it."

"The droids have completed its motor neural connections. They haven't linked it with your sensory neurons yet, but once they do, it will function as well as any flesh hand, if it's built right. The droids here better be as reliable as you assume. I want you to pass the trials, my Padawan. You'll never be able to love me unless you're free."

"I will never love you either way. The more you insist I will, the more freedom you take from me. Isn't it enough that I obey your every order? Why must you control my mind too?"

"I can't make you love me by stating you will. The only thing causing you to lose control of your mind is this rage which has taken root in you. I don't know where it came from, but you must not give into it, nor make any life altering choices while in this state. Under these circumstances rejecting me is as drastic a decision as agreeing to court me. You will not be able to undo it while we're fighting in the war. You must wait until the heat of battle has died down to make the choice."

"My answer will still be no, Master."

"If so then, when you become a Jedi Knight, I will say goodbye and never touch either of your remarkable hands again," said Obi-wan, his eyes downcast. "Can you at least explain why you oppose a touch you can't perceive?"

"I warned you not to touch me, that should be enough. You could've damaged a key mechanism, disabled the entire hand or taken it apart piece by piece without me realising."

"I didn't do anything, Anakin. I just wanted to hold it. How was I to know your prohibition against touching you without consent included artificial body parts?"

Anakin grimaced. "Well it does, Master."

"I will remember that, though the rule is ridiculous. I often touched your body when training you and you didn't complain once. You barely noticed."

"I didn't think you had hidden motives. I assumed you only wanted to help me become proficient duellist. Now I'll never see our training sessions the same way."

"My only goal during those sessions, which are the reason Dooku didn't kill you straight away, was to give you the necessary skills to survive our missions. I did well considering how little you practised. I learned to control my focus and you will too. Whenever we worked on our sabre techniques, I only viewed you as a student. I saved my other thoughts of you for later."

"I am disturbed you have such thoughts."

"You don't know what they are, my friend. Most are very sweet and none are degrading or disrespectful, but I understand why you're threatened by them. I presented myself as being above such sentiments so you would view me as a competent master, but now your apprenticeship is ending. I'm ready to reveal my humanity to you, even at the risk of losing my hands. I prefer being injured to being murdered, which I believe was your original threat."

"What if I chopped off both your legs too?"

"Then I would be stuck here and you claim to want me gone, which reminds me. I'm not leaving without giving you this." Obi-wan reached into his pocket and pulled out a light sabre handle. "I fixed it."

"You fix things?" Anakin accepted the sabre while ensuring no physical contact occurred between them. When ignited, the blue blade glowed as brightly as ever.

"I learned to from watching and listening to you," said Obi-wan. "My sabre was recovered from the Separatist army and needs to be inspected for defects. Now you can remove as many of my limbs as you want and I can't stop you. Does that make you feel safer?"

"No," said Anakin, turning off his sabre, "I no longer feel safe in your presence, Master, but since your hands are useful to me, I'll let you keep them. Now go, before I change my mind."

Obi-wan rose from his chair, nodded and stepped out of the room without another word.

* * *

The following afternoon, Anakin lay awake in his medical ward, his metal fingers wrapped around the handle of his repaired light sabre. He could sense its familiar weight and texture along with its power. He knew he needed practice to grow accustomed to wielding the weapon with his new hand, but he believed he was up to the task.

He held up the sabre and switched it on for a few moments to bask in its radiance. Once it was safely off, he slid it under his pillow and relaxed his body into a more comfortable position on the soft bed.

As he was falling sleep, a second human visitor, more welcome than the last, entered the room. Upon catching sight of her dark curls, Anakin propped himself up on his elbow, eager to interact with Padme, the woman he adored more than any other.

"So, the high and mighty Senator of Naboo is taking time away from her responsibilities as a galactic leader to visit a lowly peacekeeper," said Anakin. He spoke with a bravado which was fuelled by the knowledge that she had confessed her love for him minutes before the Battle of Geonosis began. "Since the Republic is at war, many will question whether your decision was wise. I wonder, what could be the occasion?"

"I would gladly come for your company, Annie," said Padme, approaching the bed, her shoulders sagging, "but my visit has another purpose. The Senate suspects that the Separatists are planning a counterattack against the Republic and its representatives. I'm still in danger, but the last thing I need is a troop of clones marching behind me wherever I go. I want you to travel with me and protect me on my journey home."

Anakin stared at her, his eyes widening in admiration. "You appear capable of defending yourself and those clones have proven themselves reliable."

"They helped us win control of Geonosis, but it's strange that they were created well before the Separatists became a real danger and I wish they weren't necessary."

"So do I and when it comes to combat, a Jedi as powerful as me can outperform twenty regular guards. Now that the medical droids have finished their work, I would be delighted to escort you to Naboo. Each second we spend together is a blessing." Anakin sat up, raised his artificial hand from under the covers and stroked the side of her face. Once again he felt the smoothness of her skin but was unsure if her reaction would be as favourable.

He smiled as she covered his hand with hers. She did not flinch, though he suspected his touch chilled her cheek, but her head was bent. "I'll miss you, Anakin," she said.

"You don't have to. You told me you loved me. I'll never forget that moment. Don't tell me it didn't happen. We can go to Naboo now and be together in secret until we're called back to our duties. I only hope we'll have enough time."

"No, we can't. You must realise that. You shouldn't deceive the Jedi Order or make me lie to the whole Republic. Before we entered the arena, I expressed my love for you because I was sure we were going to die. Our actions would've had no consequences, but if we start a relationship now, they will."

"Nothing the Council can do to punish me will outweigh the pain of you leaving me now. The life we want, one of peace and joy, is within reach and I can't bear to let it go."

"Part of me does want to share a life with you, Anakin, but I must set aside what I want and so must you. These are challenging times. My highest priority is to work toward ending this war, while ensuring safety for Naboo and its citizens Yours should be to help the Jedi limit the harm the droid armies will inflict on civilians while the conflict continues. If we allow ourselves to become distracted or get expelled from our roles, who knows what might happen? We cannot neglect the rest of the galaxy for our sakes."

"I don't care what happens to the galaxy. I'm tired of protecting worthless fools I've never met on planets I'll never see. I just want you to be safe, stay with me and love me. If I have you, I'll be fine."

"What about those in the Order, who cared for you and mentored you since you came to Coruscant as a child? They'll be disappointed if you were forced to leave or worse, gave up."

Anakin turned his head away. "The Jedi mean nothing to me."

"I know you don't mean that, Annie. You are a Jedi. You watched your brothers and sisters die senseless deaths as part of a war in which you can intervene."

"I remember the battle, Padme. That's why I can't afford to care for anyone, except you. I know the war began only days ago, but I'm done fighting in it and I need to escape the pain."

"Not everyone can escape war. You of all people should understand that, given what you were when I met you. You must care for others in similar conditions. They will die if you do nothing."

"I wish I didn't care. The Jedi preach unconditional love that stretches throughout the galaxy and is free from personal attachments or selfish interests. They claim it leads to inner peace. As a child, I accepted that. It was easy to back then, because I didn't think a galactic war could happen. Compassion made sense. Now it only brings pain."

"You were the one who introduced me to that view of compassion, while we were travelling together. The way you spoke made you sound so mature, so full of conviction, as if you stood for something greater than any individual or couple. You've chose a purpose beyond seeking personal happiness and you shouldn't throw away such a noble cause."

"I must, if that's what it takes for us to be in love. No naïve Jedi dogma or empty words of wisdom can be worth more than you. Please, come closer."

Padme sat on the edge of the bed and faced him. She ran her fingers along the cool hand which Anakin kept upon her face and reached inside the sleeve of the loose shirt the droids had provided for him. Though his flesh ended above his elbow, he could track her touch as her hand travelled up his arm, stopping at the point where his metal met his skin. As odd as the new sensations were, Anakin saw the metal in his artificial limb as his metal and as part of his hybrid body.

"Thank you," he said, sighing, "I need you. I would, without hesitation, risk everything to keep us together. The galaxy is nothing compared to you."

Padme shook her head. "Listen to yourself, Annie. This obsession isn't healthy. I'm not more important than the entire galaxy and those who inhabit it. Your life shouldn't revolve around one person."

"You sound like Obi-wan," said Anakin, "He expects me to have a balanced life while being in love. How is that even possible? Love unbalances everything. If he is in love, he must realise that. He's only trying to keep us apart, because he wants me for himself."

"That wouldn't surprise me," said Padme, with a slight laugh, "but whatever his aims are, he's right. We'll always care for each other and I get this rush of energy when I imagine being with you, but that's not enough. Back on Naboo, we decided we wouldn't let our love lead us down a risky path. I hated making that choice, but we should stand by it. We can't build a lasting relationship on deception and blind passion. Love requires honesty, compatibility and common experiences. We don't have that."

"Don't worry. If we have love, everything else will fall into place."

"What if it doesn't? Desires fade, Annie. It takes more than attraction to make relationships succeed. You and Obi-wan spent years learning to cooperate. You both struggle with the same concerns and I've seen what you can achieve when you work as a team. You have the seeds of romance in you."

"Wait," said Anakin, his breath quickening, "are you saying I should be with Obi-wan?"

"You should give him a chance. You've fought in brutal battles alongside each other. Living together in peace should be simple by comparison, not to mention much less deadly."

Anakin snorted. "It's because of him that you refuse to be with me, isn't it? You prefer not to take me from him, but I want you to, Padme. We shouldn't have tried to rescue him. I wish he were dead. Then we could be together without caring what he thought. Our lives would be more fulfilling without him."

Padme grimaced and pulled back her hand. "You shouldn't speak that way. We're at war, your wish might come true any day now. Do you think you'd be happy then?"

"Yes, so long as I never lose you."

"Stop it, Annie, don't you see what your feelings for me are doing? I will play no part in something that causes you to abandon your principles and everyone else who matters to you."

"Obi-wan doesn't matter to me. You talked me into going after him."

"You would've flown to his aid in an instant if the Jedi Council hadn't ordered you to stay put. I can tell you share a strong bond with him. Whether your friendship turns into something deeper or not, you can't let it end this way, with you wanting him gone. Obi-wan is leaving for Coruscant this evening. He'll be safe there and I hope nothing happens to us on Naboo, but in case something does, you should talk to him. You must set things right while you have the chance."

Anakin lowered his head. "Then go find him.," he said, after a brief silence, "and tell him he can speak with me, provided he keeps his hands to himself."

After Padme left the room, the Jedi student lay on his bed. His cheek rested on the pillow while his right hand grasped for the light sabre beneath it.

* * *

Later that day, Anakin became conscious of approaching footsteps. He was unsure if he had slept or only closed his eyes and lost track of time. The Geonosian sun shone through the window behind him at a sharper angle and with more intensity.

Two voices accompanied the footsteps. "I hope he isn't mad you kept him waiting," said the more melodic one. "We should tell him you intended to come sooner."

"Careful planning is important in times of war, Senator," said the other speaker, in a strange, yet elegant, accent, "even while the Republic is triumphing. I realise the meeting would've ended sooner had I not raised my objections, but the proposed strategy strikes me excessive. A Jedi must not allow the use of unnecessary violence to go unchallenged and I doubt my Padawan wias bothered by my absence. If he were, it would mean he wished to see me and I suspect that isn't so."

"Don't be discouraged, Obi-wan," said the Senator, "He will come around. Once his anger at you fades, he will realise what is now plain to us."

"I prefer not to focus on such matters anymore".

Anakin lifted his head to survey the room and, finding it to be free of other occupants, concluded that Obi-wan was in the corridor.

"I am only concerned that, with the Sith gaining strength, there are great risks associated with such rage."

The footsteps halted and the Senator spoke in a hushed manner. "You're not saying he will become a Sith Lord, are you? He's ambitious, but not ruthless and he cares what is right and wrong."

Obi-wan quietened his voice even more, yet his words were still decipherable. "Yes, he does, but we shouldn't have this conversation out here. We don't want to spread more fear."

Anakin placed his head back down and lowered his eyelids to prevent those entering his medical ward from discovering that he had heard their conversation. His nostrils flared, but he decided not to confront them and instead find out exactly what they thought of him.

The door creaked open then swung shut. and there was the sound of robes brushing against the walls. Obi-wan spoke first. "Oh, he's fast asleep and just as well, Padme, if he ever learns what you suggested in the hallway, he'll be furious and rightly so."

Anakin was relieved his plan had worked given the ability of Jedi to sense life in nearby people. Perhaps the Force did not distinguish conscious from unconscious life and if he stayed still, allowing only a sliver of light into his eyes, his deception would be undetectable. As he watched the blurred figure stride forward, his hidden hand made sure his trusty light sabre was within reach.

Obi-wan gave a hearty laugh. "My stubborn Padawan, kneeling without complaint before a Sith Master and promising to obey every evil command given to him, can you imagine it? Anakin would never throw away his liberty. He can be aggressive, but he's not a mindless follower. He doesn't even want me as a master, let alone a vicious, unforgiving Sith."

"Why are you worried then?"

"Those who use the dark side of the Force are drawn to power and destructive emotions. Since Anakin has both, I worry he will act as a magnet for the Sith. I'm surprised none have discovered him and tried to turn him yet. I shudder to think of what they might do to him when he refuses. He must let go of his fury, for his own safety and wellbeing, but what frightens me most is that he isn't fighting it. It's as if he's tormenting himself by choice. How can any sane person reject peace?"

"Peace is boring for some," said Padme.

Obi-wan sniggered. "Oh yes, I forgot you were a politician, but even you cannot deny how wonderful it is to see my Padawan sleep soundly for once, after a full month of night time trauma. Anakin told you about the nightmares he had back on Coruscant, didn't he?"

"Yes, I suppose he deserves to sleep well after all he's had to cope with."

"These last few days have been tough for the entire Jedi Order. None of us expected the galaxy to be at war so soon, but there is cause for hope. Regardless of what our more cynical generals say, I believe the Separatists rushed into battle without adequate preparation, as if they weren't making a serious effort to win. If they continue to act with such foolhardiness, the Republic should be victorious within three months, a year at the most. As I told my Padawan, dreams, even nasty ones, pass in time. I daresay his current state proves me right."

Anakin did not expect Obi-wan to know the real reason the nightmares of his mother suffering had stopped, but his obnoxious optimism made his stomach clench.

"He does look calmer," said Padme, "I suppose it's a welcome change from his frantic fits."

"Which fits, the night ones or the daytime ones?" Anakin gritted his teeth. He wondered how much contempt he would endure before Obi-wan had the decency to quit talking about him.

"Both, but we should be fair to him. Few people learn to balance their emotions by his age."

"Well, my view is that any Jedi, young or old, can achieve harmony with themselves and the Force if they are persistent and receive the right support. If Anakin and I get married, I will help him experience this same level of calm his whole life, even while awake."

Anakin bit the corners of his mouth to stop himself from smirking. _You are right, Master, since my level of calm is now zero, it would be the same throughout the day if we were married_.

"You may have scared him by insisting on marriage. If you had begun by offering to share a meal or a drink, he wouldn't be so frightened by your affection."

"I refuse to disguise my true intentions, Padme. Love is a serious matter and has the potential to pose a grave threat if not handled properly. I don't expect Anakin to marry me straight away, but he must know my ultimate objectives. That way he can choose whether to pursue them with me. If he believes there's sound reason not to, then we shouldn't have any kind of romantic relationship. I have no interest in temporary pleasure that will end in furious conflict."

"Do you think it's wise to demand such commitment so soon after expressing your interest? You're asking him to make a huge decision, one which will shape his whole life."

"I trust Anakin with that responsibility. I regret not doing so earlier. In the past, I've doubted him too, but he's proven himself by protecting you and has faced such dilemmas before. He selected his light sabre colour and duelling style when he began his training, not to mention the original decision to become a Jedi. What you see as unusual is normal to us. In fact, I'm surprised he didn't ask you to marry him."

"I didn't give him the chance to, though part of me wishes I had. We could've had a lovely wedding. I guess you want a boring legal ceremony."

"A Jedi wedding would be an austere affair, but the time I spend with Anakin is never dull. He isn't dull and neither am I, so we don't need any distractions. That's why I'm prepared to wait until the war ends to marry him. By then his training will be over and the most serious affairs of the galaxy resolved. We may still be called upon to settle local disputes and the Jedi Council will not allow a married couple to undertake missions together. Overall though, we'll have plenty of time to give into our weakness, as some Jedi put it, of attachment."

"The plans Anakin had for me were similar. I never realised how alike you both were."

"I am not surprised. We seem like complete opposites. There are those who believe he isn't suited to be part of the Order, given his temper and tendency to cause trouble. They would wonder how I, as someone who conforms more to the Jedi ideal, could want a relationship with him. However, the differences between us exist only on the surface. Deep down we share the same values, including the need for a stable home, one which will not change drastically, no matter how many journeys we undertake. Thus, he doesn't fear commitment any more than I do."

"Most of the galaxy prefers to just enjoy being in love and not obsess about future problems. There is much I admire about the Jedi, but many consider your practices to be outdated and restrictive."

"I don't allow the views of the galaxy to decide my actions. I'm not trying to win an election, only the heart of one man, a man who has remained faithful to the Jedi despite his opposition to our rules. Anakin is accustomed to selecting a path and sticking with it, even if it isn't easy. I don't deny that we'll face issues in our relationship, but he will never abandon someone he loves."

Anakin could not deny the truth behind those words. Although he sometimes criticised the Jedi, in his mind they were the heroes he longed to become. He always pushed aside the temptation to stray from this chosen course and had offered Padme a secret relationship, instead of volunteering to leave the Order. He preferred being expelled for insubordination over quitting and being held responsible for his departure. _I suppose if I do marry Obi-wan_ , he thought, _I will have no choice but to drive him so crazy that he divorces me_.

"To you, Padme, the Jedi approach to love is bizarre," said Obi-wan. "I understand why. You weren't raised to discipline your emotions, so I don't resent you for wanting to indulge in them. Even most Jedi Masters can't handle love. They find it easier not to feel it, or at least act as if don't, rather than regulate it. In a way, I'm glad Anakin informed you of my intentions. Now I can be open with you about such matters. Other Jedi might think less of me, even if I exercise complete control over myself, which itself is a struggle."

Anakin discerned, through his limited vision, that Obi-wan was lowering his head towards him. He shut his eyes fully to prevent him from discovering he was awake. Warm air tickled his left ear. He hoped it had not come from the source he suspected. _My Master would not dare come that close_ , he reassured himself, _he promised to respect me and my body._ He held his sabre tight, just in case, the slight motions of the mechanical limb invisible beneath the pillow.

"You can't tear your eyes away from him," said Padme, "can you?"

"That isn't my only problem," said Obi-wan, "At this moment, I'm resisting the urge to stroke his cheek."

"Why resist? It would be harmless gesture. Anakin wouldn't even find out."

"I told him I could wait until the right time. I'm not even supposed to touch him unless he lets me. What sort of partner would I be if instead of keeping my word, I only acted as I should while he was watching and could stop me? Besides, my desires will only grow stronger if I give into them. The warmth of his skin against my fingers will make me want to caress his chin, kiss his forehead and even lie next to him in the bed. I must seem so pathetic, even to you."

Anakin held in a furious scream and clenched the sabre handle with all his strength.

"No," said Padme, "you seem human. Don't be ashamed. Your emotions are normal. You have enough control over them. You will not go insane if you touch the man you love."

"Not in an instant, but it may be the first step in a downward spiral. A Jedi must be vigilant. You understand, I'm sure, the dangers of excessive fear, angry and attraction, but even their milder forms can pose a threat if not controlled. I will not let my passion for Anakin rule over my sound judgement, not even for a second. I must do as he asked."

 _You sound very passionate about that, Master_ , thought Anakin, though he favoured a passion for obeying him over any other urges Obi-wan might have. His hand relaxed amd he let out a tiny breath,. He heard robes ruffling and assumed that the man beside his bed was once again upright.

"I shouldn't even be here," he said, "the longer I'm here the more agonising it will be to leave. I should've headed for the rebuilt hanger bay once I realised he was sleeping. Anakin wouldn't want me staring at his unconscious body and I'm expected back at the Jedi Temple. If I'm not there by tomorrow, the Council will demand an explanation and I don't have an acceptable one."

"Tell them I requested you be here. It wouldn't be a lie. You can leave the ward, so that Anakin isn't disturbed by your presence, but you should stay in the medical bay until he wakes. Then you can reconcile before we leave tomorrow."

"I must fulfil my duty to the Council, Padme. You will not keep him on Naboo too long, will you?"

"Once I'm reunited with my regular guards, I'll send your Padawan straight home, regardless of any advances he makes toward me. I'll also make sure he's in as pleasant a mood as possible."

"As pleasant as possible, I can't ask for more. I'm not meant to let anyone outside the Order meddle in internal Jedi business, so I don't expect you to argue with him. Until he can look at me without breaking into an angry sweat, I must set aside any hope of courting him. I only wish I understood what was wrong with the poor man, what was driving his rage. The battle we took part in was brutal, but it wasn't his first, and I can't be the sole source of his rage, can I?"

"You're not," said Padme, "Anakin is angrier at himself than at you, Obi-wan. Something happened when we were on Tatooine, something terrible, which made him believed he'd failed as a Jedi. He promised to share the story with you, but he needs more time and wouldn't want me to tell you myself. I'm not sure what to do."

Anakin tensed his body, waiting for Obi-wan to pressure Padme into revealing what he had done following the death of his mother. He braced himself for a series of unnecessary chastisements, which could continue until the urge to forever silence them overwhelmed him. His sabre was still at hand and his master close enough to enable the act.

"If he doesn't want you to tell me, I will not ask," said Obi-wan. "His word is final."

After a moment, Anakin breathed out and withdrew his hand from his sabre. As his eyelids fluttered, he caught sight of Obi-wan exiting the ward after Padme, without making a sound. Then he pulled his blanket to his chin and lay unmoving, both arms by his side. _Maybe Obi-wan does not deserve to die after all_ , was the last thought he formed as he fell asleep for real.

* * *

 _Hope you enjoyed this chapter and whether you did or not please leave a review. In case this is not obvious, the romantic dialogue between Anakin and Padme is meant to suck, because I have someone else in mind for him, haha.  
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	5. Chapter 4: Preparations

**Author's Note:** _This chapter is quite long too and would have longer had I not cut so much from it. The good news is that things start heating up between Anakin and Obi-wan (just a little). Let's face it, we all could use some good news now (_ _ _why did she have to die, why couldn't I save her, I know I could've. Okay I probably couldn't have due to my unfortunate lack of Force abilities). Enjoy the chapter.  
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 _ **Chapter 4:**_ _Preparations_

Two weeks later, Anakin snuck into the training hall to work on his duelling techniques in secret. As far as he knew, the rest of the temple and perhaps even the whole of Coruscant were resting or meditating. He swung his light sabre back and forth, while relishing the smooth, swift motions of its blade. After many hours of preparing for the trials, he hoped to face them soon and he would, provided Obi-wan and the rest of the Jedi Council lived up to their promises.

Padme had obeyed her own promise with little hesitation. Upon their arrival at the Theed Royal Palace, she arranged for one of her pilots to fly Anakin home aboard her personal ship. He wound up spending just under two hours on Naboo and left in as positive a mood as Obi-wan could have expected. After giving Padme a tight goodbye hug, he experienced only a slight pang of regret as the J-type star skiff took off with him on board.

The descent into Coruscant was a different matter altogether. He remembered supervising the landing and nervously awaiting the instant when he would step onto the planet surface where his master awaited him. While Obi-wan did not have the power to read his mind, Anakin found it hard to conceal intense emotions when near him. He realised how hypocritical it was to condemn the thoughts of another, when his own urges were far more cruel and shameful for a Jedi.

Their conversation on the platform was short and uneventful. After greeting his mentor with a nod, the Padawan stated that he had brought Padme to Naboo without incident and found out that his trials were scheduled to occur in four weeks. The two men then bid each other farewell.

Since Anakin had stayed calm, Obi-wan would suppose that the tensions between them were fading, opening the door to the romantic relationship he craved. Since the tarmac was free of other occupants, the Jedi in training knew it was not the fear of humiliation, but guilt that kept his fists from clenching as he spoke. On Tatooine, he had swore to control his fury, but instead it had festered until it made him want to destroy his own teacher and guardian. His throat tightened at the memory of his aggressive fantasies and harsh words.

Anakin searched for, but did not find, a compelling motive behind his anger. His master was not the one who had allowed his mother to die, he was. Furthermore, if the unthinkable happened, and he failed the trails, he would have only himself to blame for his low standing in the Jedi Order. Still the resentment lingered and he feared that in the coming days, Obi-wan would once again express an interest in him, but even this fear was unwarranted. Anakin only needed to explain that he had, in a state of calmness and clarity, decided against their courtship. Then his master would accept his choice and never propose the idea again.

Alone in the hall, with only his repetitive sabre routine to occupy him, he could not help but wonder what precisely Obi-wan wanted from him. _What does he think might happen if we court? I will not fall in love with him. Is his only aim to keep me on the Jedi path and out of trouble, is that it?_

As the sun rose and cast dim, orange light upon the narrow hall, Anakin made his way from one side of it to the other. He gave a slight shiver whenever he completed a sequence of slashes at a fictitious target, but refused to stop practising. His sabre blazed with enough energy to incinerate whatever it touched. He smirked, confident his rapid, yet strong, attacks would overwhelm any real enemies he encountered and leave them lying helpless on the floor.

With his chin raised in triumph, he turned to face the other end of the hall, but before he could repeat the routine, he spotted someone at the entrance. Anakin approached step by step, his deadly weapon held out in front of him and his brow furrowed.

He soon realised who he was glaring at. The upright posture and relaxed shoulders of the figure made it clear. He despised not being able to display the same calm and confidence. Instead of lowering his sabre, he flipped a switch which placed it in its less dangerous, low energy setting. Then he shouted across the empty hall, his voice echoing, "How long have you been watching me, Obi-wan?"

"Long enough to feel great pride for what my student has accomplished." The man who had enabled Anakin to become such a competent fighter walked towards him, carrying a ceramic mug in his steady hands. "That artificial hand of yours serves you well," he said, "as does the time you've spent perfecting your skills. You have come here every morning since you got back, haven't you?"

"How did you know?"

"You're not the only one who scurries around the Jedi Temple during the assigned meditation periods," said Obi-wan, "but unlike you I've graduated beyond the rank of Padawan. I can decide for myself when and how to achieve harmony with the Force. Over the past few days, I spotted you heading here several times, but I knew better than to send you to your room, where you would only sleep. Besides, I'm glad you're willing to do whatever is necessary to get ready for the trails."

"I am ready. I've been training here during the early meditations because I needed to learn to fight with my new hand. The rules forbid it, I know, but I must pass the trials and make up letting Count Dooku escape." He did not dare mention his other recent failures.

"The errors you made on Geonosis were severe, but, thanks to your brave and caring heart, I can forgive them. Don't forget, you saved my life and lost part of a limb while doing so." Obi-wan reached the centre of the hall where Anakin stood, prompting him to extinguish his sabre and attach the handle to his belt.

"Padawans always fight alongside their masters. Don't assume you're getting special treatment."

"I didn't. It's obvious, you'll go to great lengths to protect the welfare of those who matters to you, including me. The feeling is mutual. That's why I can't bear to watch you tremble so much. What's wrong, my friend?"

Anakin, who had not realised his body was quivering, tensed his muscles to stop their erratic movements. "Nothing serious, Master, it's just freezing in here. After living on Coruscant for ten years, I'm getting used to the climate, so I can tolerate it for most of the day, but mornings are a challenge. Sorry I made you worry. The temperature shouldn't matter. I should be stronger than this."

"No," said Obi-wan, after a brief pause, "the training areas should be warmer. The discomfort you experience isn't your fault. Since no other child ever came here from Tatooine, our temple isn't designed to meet your needs and you face extra difficulties because of that. This makes your successes more impressive. Still, the Jedi Order has been unfair to you by expecting you to behave the same way as students born under more favourable circumstances. Even I assumed that the reason you refuse to leave your cosy quarters when instructed to was because you were lazy and wanted to be alone."

"I do prefer being alone. Everyone here is a brother or sister in arms, I understand, but I get frustrated because they always treat me as if I'm different."

"Well, you are unusual, but not inferior. A Jedi life isn't meant to be easy for anyone, but nobody should suffer more because of their origins. Even if you rose above these issues, as I predict you will, your success wouldn't excuse such injustice. I could suggest altering the Temple to accommodate those born on more distant planets, though that might force us to compromise established traditions."

"I can't demand such kindness from you. It's too much."

"Come now, Anakin, I'm not making a grand sacrifice. As a trusted member of the Council I can make such requests and avoid mentioning who inspired them."

"The Jedi shouldn't waste their wealth on an individual, even one as valuable as me."

"If our losses during the war compel us to recruit more members from hotter Outer Rim planets, the changes will help them too. Besides, between you and me, the Order has more credits than most assume and already spends them on less essential matters."

"You will not win me over by boasting of your wealth and power, Master," said Anakin, who refused to marry anyone for greedy, dishonourable reasons.

"I apologise for appearing arrogant. A high status doesn't make one superior, that is true, but I can use my influence to aid you, so if you need something, tell me."

"Whatever I need, I'll get it myself. That's how we survived back on Tatooine." Anakin, his head lowered, recalled several childhood events in which he had gotten by only through his competence and blocked out painful recollections of his caring mother. He doubted whether such selfless love still existed in the galaxy.

"The temple is your home now. Leave the past behind and accept our gentler customs. As Jedi, we look after one another. Here, this tea will bring you warmth." Obi-wan held out the mug which contained a dark, steaming liquid. Anakin extended his hand then paused, allowing the vapour to condense on his metallic fingers.

"No," he said, as he sniffed the herbal aroma he had missed out on every morning since coming back to Coruscant. "The tea is yours, Master. I don't want to take it and be indebted to you."

"I never viewed it as mine, so you can't deprive me of it. While I didn't get to taste this specific cup of tea, plenty more are available at this hour and Jedi Masters don't have limited breakfast rations. The Order trusts me to use this privilege for the right purposes. Sometimes, I fall short of that standard, but not today. You've trained hard, but to pass the trails a student must be nourished and relaxed too. Take this, my friend. You earned it."

Anakin grasped the mug, by wrapping a single finger around the handle, and brought it towards him. No liquid left the cup since he had gained total control over his artificial hand, but he still refused to drink the tea. "Promise you'll never mention this again or demand anything in return."

"An act of true generosity doesn't need reciprocation, though I will no doubt receive it, given the kindness of your heart."

"Maybe I shouldn't have a heart that is so soft and easy to exploit." Anakin glared at Obi-wan, monitoring his face for his reaction.

"The galaxy is often a cruel during a war, but you're less vulnerable than most. Few will dare harm a member of the Jedi Order who wields a sabre that can slice any opponent to pieces."

"What if the danger came from within the Order, from someone I'm not allowed to hurt and must obey, who could make me his permanent servant?"

"Surely you can't mean me," said Obi-wan, in a quiet voice. "You don't still think I'm an enemy who seeks to crush your freedom or stop you reaching your potential, do you? I want you to become a heroic, yet modest, Jedi, defeat the Sith and save countless lives endangered by the war. If I kept you weak, I could risk harming not only a brave and noble man, but the entire galaxy. That's not my goal, believe me."

Anakin maintained his unfaltering gaze. "Then why are you doing these things for me, if not to earn my gratitude and affection?"

"What are you talking about, what things?"

"Don't pretend not to know. First you gave me permission to take the Jedi Knight trails, then you fixed my light sabre and now you're offering me your tea. Why are you suddenly treating me so well? What do you want, Master?"

"Those actions aren't any different from my normal behaviour. Ever since you became my Padawan, my aim has always been to help you triumph."

Their past interactions perplexed Anakin too though, after careful thought, he no longer doubted the consistency with which his master had aided him. Obi-wan had done more than repair his sabre after the battle on Geonosis. During several missions, he had retrieved the weapon from dangerous locations while protecting the careless Padawan who had misplaced it. _If only I got_ _the same respect during my more impressive moments_ , he thought. "While training me, you acted disappointed when I mastered abilities straight away. Why was that?"

"I disliked missing the chance to teach you and take credit for your duelling prowess. Back then, your natural talent threatened my ego. Over time, as our connection grew tighter, I learned to cast aside selfish sentiments and favour your wellbeing for its own sake, just as you favour mine, despite your fears."

"I shouldn't be afraid," said Anakin, as the heat from the cup comforted and calmed him. "If we share a common weakness, you can't use it against me."

"What we share isn't weakness, my friend, but mutual strength."

"Is that why you help me, so you'll become stronger?"

"That's only a fortunate bonus. My main goal is for you to flourish as a Jedi, so the galaxy we're part of can flourish. We who immerse our minds in the Force recognise that our emotions aren't separate from those of others. For example, the pain of innocent strangers harmed by the Clone War is my pain and it compels me to seek an end to the whole catastrophe."

"So, the violent chaos the Separatists started has a name."

"Yes, and a significant death toll, which will keep rising while the fighting continues."

"I don't need a reminder of how tragic galactic conflicts are. Why mention such depressing news?"

"The sadness you're experiencing proves my point. Consider the feeling for a moment and you'll understand."

Out of obedience to Obi-wan, Anakin carried out the exercise without knowing its purpose. As his focus turned inward, he became conscious of a dull ache in his chest, but said nothing out loud.

"Part of your wondrous body hurts now, I suspect."

Anakin pressed the mug against his torso to ease the mysterious sensation. "How did you know? Can the Force show you what's happening inside me?" The memory of tricking Obi-wan into believing he was asleep in the medical ward suggested otherwise.

"Not unless we have physical contact, but my own feelings allow me to make educated guesses. My skin prickles when I learn of the destruction caused by the war or observe your agony, serious or minor, but compassion isn't always painful. Remember, I share your joys too."

"Is that why you gave me the tea so if my mood improves once I drink it, yours can too?"

"Yes and I predict my happiness will have a similar effect on you."

Anakin, who felt foolish for being so distrustful of his mentor earlier, brought the cup to his dry lips and sipped from it. Caffeine was a banned substance in the temple, yet the bitter liquid made his muscles tingle or maybe it was the way Obi-wan beamed as he drank. _Since he sees me as stubborn, my obedience must excite him_ , he thought, though he did not perceive the action as servile. He agreed that a healthy body and calm state of mind were essential for passing the trails. "You were right, Master," he said, grinning, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, my friend, and so the cycle continues. Your joy feeds mine, which feeds yours and so on. The closer we get, the more powerful the effect will become, so long as we don't misuse it. An enduring relationship takes patience and dedication too, but that's a tiny price to pay for lifelong happiness."

Anakin sighed. He had little choice but to speak of romance now that Obi-wan had raised the topic. "Love isn't so simple. Lasting marriages aren't built on compassion and effort alone."

"No, but they are better foundations than blind passion. Your obsession with Padme, while genuine, was dangerous. It may have led to an unbalanced and disastrous relationship."

"So might the courtship you proposed. Love is unpredictable."

"Not always," said Obi-wan. "For four years, my love for you has been a constant, calming presence in my life. Only a serious upheaval could destroy or corrupt it. Even then, your heart would be in capable hands, given my reputation for handling sensitive issues with respect."

"Your diplomatic skills are noteworthy, but such tasks favour Jedi with a talent for persuasion, not respect."

"Maybe, but I don't use lies or trickery during negotiations. Instead, I stir other parties towards obvious truths or point them along paths to what they already want."

Anakin finished drinking the tea, had a burst of clarity and seized the opportunity to make Obi-wan respond to his nagging concerns. "I see. You're offering me a path, a way to have a relationship and still be a loyal Jedi, but I'm unsure what it involves."

"Should I explain it then? The sun is rising, so I'll be brief. Other students will arrive soon and such matters should stay private for now."

Anakin agreed and went to sit on the wooden bench near the wall, away from any doors or windows. Obi-wan selected a spot only a hand span to the left of him and adopted a relaxed posture, which made their knees almost touch. After handing back the empty mug, Anakin placed his sabre handle between them. "The instant part of you crosses this line, I leave the hall."

"No chance of death or dismemberment this time and you put your weapon where I can snatch it. Your threats are getting weaker and weaker, implying a growing fondness for me."

"I'm not showing mercy. I've chosen a new strategy since you fear separation from me over physical harm or do your negotiation tactics often include stealing personal space?"

"When striking deals, body language that conveys confidence is useful, but my movements aren't that deliberate. Sometimes the Force guides our bodies without our knowledge."

"Whatever natural charisma the Force gives you will not work on me, Master. I need room and you're too close."

"I'm no closer than you permit me to be. Though I favour your company, I can't stop you shifting away if you insist."

"Why should I? You promised not to violate my boundaries."

"I did," said Obi-wan, "and you fulfilled your promises to resist forming a strong attachment to Senator Amidala, while taking my offer seriously, so I'll honour that wish." As he edged sidewards, his hand wound up where his right thigh had been, but did not approach the line marked by the unignited light sabre.

"It was Padme who stopped me from getting attached." Anakin knew he had not obeyed either promise since dismissing the possibility of their courtship straight away was not what Obi-wan had in mind. To stay true to his word, he needed to search for merit in the crazy idea.

"Do you resent her decision?"

"Not anymore. This way I have less to hide and less reason to worry. With her home safe, I can focus on the trials. I regret losing an amazing woman and I sometimes imagine marrying her, but who's to say whether the relationship could last."

"The Jedi Order doesn't support unstable marriages. You know why."

Anakin nodded. "Divorces cause anger and disharmony," he said, "I would need to show that my commitment to Padme is unwavering. While staring into her eyes, I believed it was, but the Council never trusts wild emotions. Now we're apart, neither do I. What I felt on Naboo was exhilarating, yet frightening. I had no chance of containing it, let alone foreseeing its course. How do two lovers prove to themselves, or anyone, that their feelings are eternal?"

"If we court, we'll get to explore such complex questions in depth. The quick answer is that we can make our marriage last, provided our romance is one we control, not a mad rush of adrenaline which controls us. Love developed through careful choice shows maturity, which, along with my supposed natural charisma, will help convince the Council to endorse our union."

"Real love isn't chosen," said Anakin, "or learned, despite what you claimed before I left Coruscant. You didn't choose your feelings. How can I choose mine? Fake passions are safer, but is that what you want?"

Obi-wan drummed his fingers. "No, I'm not pursuing false affection. If our courtship doesn't create genuine love in you, we will not marry."

Anakin struggled to comprehend what his master meant by genuine love. His confusing words made their potential relationship sound more burdensome. "For ten years, I strived to become worthy of being a Jedi Knight. If you insist, I can take on the extra duties of a caring husband, but, as you argued on Geonosis, carrying out orders is not love. A pretend romance between us will be as deceptive as a secret marriage to Padme and give me no satisfaction. Don't force me to wake up beside you every morning and wish you were her."

"That's not my vision for our future," said Obi-wan, in a voice as soft as a mild breeze.

"Isn't it what the Jedi preach? Never allow emotion to rule you. Always put others first. Please, follow your own teachings. No joy you achieve by pushing me into an empty, miserable marriage is worth the cost."

Obi-wan pressed his hands together. "You're misreading my intentions. Lies and misery play no part in my plans. When I speak of controlling your feelings that doesn't imply disguising or suppressing them. Jedi practise inner discipline, not numbness."

"Either way, I don't have control over love or even anger. Whenever my fury fades, it returns burning brighter."

"Tell me, my Padawan, are you angry now? If so, I will withhold any judgements."

"Yes," said Anakin, though he viewed himself as frustrated, not angry, and fearful, since he still wasn't sure what Obi-wan expected.

"If you were free to use any means to silence your rage, what would you do?"

"I would challenge you to a sparring match, fight without restraint and gloat for days after winning," he said, trying to annoy the gentle Jedi. "That may not be an admirable response, but it's true."

"I appreciate your honesty, but peace is fleeting when gained through unwarranted aggressive. You should learn better ways to handle harmful urges, but for the moment, imagine that scenario if you can."

 _How stupid does he think I am_? Anakin thought _,_ knowing his imagination was limitless. _I must teach him not to deny my cunning brilliance._ He grinned, picturing himself deflecting a strike from Obi-wan then ending the contest with a sneaky twist of the wrist that delivered a blow to his undefended shoulder.

"What a stunning fake smile you have."

"The smile is authentic, but don't be so cheerful. I made myself happy by imaging your defeat."

"You made yourself happy? That can't happen. Your inability to manage your emotions has doomed you to live with permanent anger, remember? You're pretending to smile." Obi-wan chuckled.

"Just because you've tricked me into feeling good for a few moments, doesn't mean I'll love you for a lifetime," said Anakin, sniggering and shaking his head. "That's ridiculous, Master."

"That fake laugh is even more enchanting. I would mistake it for a sincere one were I not aware that you're only complying with my orders. You must be a terrific liar, hiding away the bitterness boiling within, unless the joy you chose instead is real. Then, maybe, through similar choices, my dream of a lifelong marriage, filled with long hugs and tender kisses, will become real too. What a pity you can't bear to listen to such disgusting, disturbing thoughts."

Anakin cringed and squirmed. "Go ahead," he said, "describe that perfect future, but leave out the details."

"Don't worry, my fantasies centre on the deep bond we'll build, not its physical expression. That is why most of them feature wedding rings, inexpensive, yet meaningful, ones."

"Most of them, what makes the others different?" Anakin wondered if Obi-wan was a more devious and interesting partner than he suspected.

"Since you aren't the most reliable Jedi, your ring will sometimes get misplaced but you'll be an enthusiastic husband, with or without a visible symbol of our love. I confess to having fantasies in which we don't own rings to begin with, but even in those you're the same."

"I'm always a careless idiot? How charming!"

"No," said Obi-wan, "let me explain. My favourite fantasy starts with you reaching for my hand. If I am wearing a ring, you tap it, as a subtle reminder of our shared passion. Then, I respond to your quiet, but eager, suggestion, with a bold step forward, you embrace me and we kiss."

"Wait, why would I embrace you, when you are the one who's interested in my body?"

"Not your body, you, as a whole person. The story doesn't end there."

Anakin, his insides churning, doubted whether he could tolerate hearing more, but Obi-wan had awakened his curiosity. "What happens next, after we hold hands and lock lips?"

"Before long, a Council meeting, or other important event, compels me to pull away while swearing to return to our shared living space within four short hours. Later, I am tempted to delay our reunion so you'll miss me more, but decide against the idea, opting not to upset you."

"Don't assume I'll get upset. Even if we marry, I refuse to turn into a helpless moron who sits alone, staring at a closed door until you return. I'm tough enough to survive without you."

"Excellent," said Obi-wan, "a dead husband is no fun and you will have plenty to do during that spare time. You'll chat to Threepio and Artoo as if droids were actual people, build a third one with another distinct personality or, dare I say, practise your sabre techniques. After those four enriching hours by yourself pass, then you can sit alone, staring at a closed door until I return."

Anakin laughed at his cleverness. "When I asked you to keep the details of your fantasies private, I didn't realise you had formed such extensive plans."

"They are only suggestions. If you prefer, you may invent your own romantic dreams."

"What is the point in doing that if you've decided everything?" Anakin lowered his chin.

"I haven't. Your wishes matter, so the story ends with you expressing them. When I arrive after the appointed hour, you demand a kiss for every extra minute I made you wait. The higher the debt the more I enjoy repaying it and when the number of kisses required is lower, each one becomes longer and sweeter."

"If I'm that impatient, why would I stay still instead of searching the temple for you? The story lacks sense."

"Since the tale is, for the moment, mere fiction, it has flaws, but I still find it entertaining and insightful."

"From my standpoint, it's neither entertaining nor insightful, though at least your objectives are clear now. You believe my feelings can transform someday so I'll want you as a marital partner, but that's not how real love works. You ask the impossible."

"Impossible is it, for young Anakin Skywalker to love an old friend."

"I don't love on command and for me loving men just isn't natural."

"I want you to love me, not any other man. As a fellow Jedi, I'm not that unloveable, am I?"

"No," said Anakin, "you deserve a devoted partner and you will find one. I'm thankful for your guidance and company, when you're not criticising me, but being a friend or brother in arms has nothing to do with love. The feelings are different."

"On the deepest level, they are no different, only different in your mind, which can change. You must unlearn what you have learned and assumed without question. For centuries, the Order neglected to teach younglings and even older students what romantic bonds are, expecting them to mistake such ties for blind infatuation or worse, intense lust. Now few understand the distinction but I hope you gain that wisdom and allow it to lead you toward me."

Anakin sat in silence, contemplating the strange instructions, until a flash of blue light and a searing burst of pain in his right calf broke concentration. He winced, but suppressed a loud cry, desperate not to appear weak.

Obi-wan leaned forward, his face twitching. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine." With his left hand, Anakin verified that despite the strange sensation, the skin on his leg was smooth and undamaged, though the same was not true of his ego. With his calm facade gone, he grunted and rubbed the sore muscles. "What happened?"

"You crossed your own sabre line," said Obi-wan, looking downward. "Irony aside, you were fortunate not to get injured."

Anakin followed his gaze and saw that the device he had used to claim his space was pressing against him. In its surprising position, the slightest of leg movements could have activated and then deactivated the blade by accident. To prevent more trouble or embarrassment, he returned the handle to his belt. "Did you move my sabre?"

Obi-wan shook his head. "Bit by bit, you moved towards it and towards me. Remember, the Force influences human behaviours, including unconscious ones. Maybe it's telling you something."

Since his left thigh was on the edge of his black robes, Anakin realised that his body had, to his astonishment, shifted along the bench. "Don't misinterpret my actions. I came closer to hear your words. They're too quiet."

"That wouldn't matter in the slightest, if you weren't so keen to listen."

"As your Padawan, I'm obligated to listen to you."

"You can't fool me, Anakin, we both know how little concern you have for the norms of the Jedi Order. I noticed you practising with that light sabre at full power, a setting reserved for combat. While your skills are remarkable, you're not invincible. That risky habit would've lost you a second limb had you not shown more concern for my safety than your own by switching modes the moment you recognised me. You were drawn to me, which put you in danger, but your compassion saved you from real harm."

"I'm not drawn to you. I just don't want to hurt you with my sabre or my words, so I can't say no to you, but that's not a good reason to be with anyone."

"It isn't, but if there were no possibility of you loving me, my unhappiness wouldn't bother you to this extent and it shouldn't. My heartbreak will be my responsibility, not yours, and I can manage it. While deciding whether to court me, think of your future, not mine."

Anakin tilted his head. "Are you saying I should be selfish?"

"At your age, my Padawan, it's not selfish to focus on developing a firm moral character first. Then you'll be able to assist others throughout the galaxy. Your mind must be as clear as your body is strong if you are to be of service to the Republic. Consider that when making your choice."

"So you believe you can improve me by being my partner. Forgive me if I'm not flattered, Master."

"Only you can improve yourself and you must decide how. I am indeed offering a path, one I believe will soften your inner turmoil and, given your potential power, that will be a favourable outcome for many. Whether you agree is up to you, but I implore you take such issues into account."

"I will, said Anakin, "You have given me much to consider." By then other students were filing into the hall and he could no longer speak with complete openness, but he meant what he said. Their conservation had opened him up to options he had not considered and he needed time to evaluate them. "You'll have my response soon, once I'm not so preoccupied with more pressing matters."

"Take a break from you duelling practice for now and focus on other elements of your training, including what I taught you today. I expect an answer by the time you become a Jedi Knight, after your trials, which gives you two weeks, but don't rush. I want a well thought out decision, not a hasty one."

Anakin rose to his feet. "Whatever answer I give will be final. That means no more arguments."

"I am out of arguments. It's up to you now," said Obi-wan, winking.

After winking back, Anakin turned and headed for the doors opposite those the Jedi students were entering through. _The fate of the galaxy depends on my choice_ , he thought and he was barely joking. The dilemma placed before him could determine not only his romantic outcomes, but his entire destiny. Part of him was intrigued by the future Obi-wan had proposed, but a larger part saw it as unrealistic. Still, for the first time, while he did not know what path to pick, he understood why it mattered.

* * *

 _Did anyone catch the Empire Strikes Back references? Yes, they were deliberate._ _ _The different energy modes on the light sabres were my idea. I think it makes sense practically._ __If you've seen Rogue One feel free to let me know what you thought of it._

 _I hope you enjoyed Christmas, Chanukah or whatever you celebrate. Rest in peace Carrie Fisher and may 2017 be a much better year than this one.  
_


	6. Chapter 5: Pressures

**Author's Note:** _This current chapter gets depressing towards the end, but I hope you enjoy it anyway._

 _Though Obi-wan has an idealised_ _(taught, hairless)_ _body in the animated series, I have picture him as physically flawed (by conventional standards)._ _I have portrayed him this way_ s _ince_ _I am already deviating from canon and supposedly perfect bodies annoy me. Remember, these descriptions come from the perspective of Anakin._

 ** _Chapter 5: Pressures_**

For the next week, Anakin followed the advice of his master and spent his free time resting in his room. On two occasions, he took part in the scheduled morning meditations, but could not make it through the full hour. Despite the assumptions of his mentors, silent contemplation did not bore the young Padawan. It terrified him.

With seven days left until his trials, he sat and crossed his legs for a third time, determined to endure the entire session. He wanted to address the dilemma posed by Obi-wan with a calm mind.

Anakin attempted to keep his spine straight, but the effort involved frustrated him. He propped a pillow against the headboard of his bed and relaxed against it, hoping a comfortable posture would make the hour go quicker. With his eyes closed and his hands on his knees, he awaited the bells which marked the start of the meditation period. Once they chimed, he realised his mistake. Without any physical irritations to distract him, he was more vulnerable to his inner traumas.

He counted his breathes and made each one louder than the last, hoping to drown out unwelcome thoughts, but they came anyway. Obi-wan had insisted that tumultuous floods of emotion were typical for meditating Padawans and not a sign of failure. If Anakin acknowledged his frights and furies without becoming immersed in them, they would flow past him, leaving him in peace. He could then form a deeper connection to the Force and achieve greater wisdom, or so the accounts of more accomplished members of the Jedi Order implied.

Anakin was glad he did not need to suppress his feelings altogether, but struggled to understand how it was possible to be conscious of emotions without experiencing them. Again, he wondered if Obi-wan had any knowledge of human passions or empathy for those afflicted with them. Then, recognising that he was going down the far too familiar path of resenting his kind teacher, he turned his focus back to his breathing. The technique quietened his mind, but not for long.

The concerns which struck first were the mildest. They revolved around his upcoming Jedi Knight trails and the chance, as narrow as it was, that he might fail them. He wanted to get up and repeat his light sabre routine, to prove he could perform it, but, after several challenging seconds, he decided against the idea. If he waited, he would have other chances to demonstrate his abilities.

This knowledge made his anxieties feel more distant, as if they were no longer attached to him. They hovered near him, present, yet unable to harm him. He expected them to leave, but had no urge to push them away.

Then a more fearsome wave of worries arose. Gruesome scenes from the first battle of the Clone War invaded his mind. Anakin could not turn them off or stop his heart from racing. He searched for a hope strong enough to sustain him through his panic. _While I am alive,_ he thought, _I can play my part in defending the Republic and ending its suffering._

This truth consoled him, until he remembered one specific loyalist whose life was in danger even before the conflict on Geonosis. While on Naboo, Padme was beyond his protection. His stomach lurched as he pictured a cloaked assassin murdering the young senator in her sleep, but he made himself let go of the image. The bounty hunter behind the plot to kill her was dead and if her guards proved unable to handle the Separatist threat, the clones could provide backup.

Her stubbornness led Padme to oppose such help, making Anakin afraid, but appreciative of her fierce bravery and his enduring friendship with her. Though their romance was over, he had not lost her and would not, even if she relied on her own defensive skills. _She does not need me to be her hero_ , he realised, _I wanted to win her love by being the one to safe her, but she cared for me before I learned to fight. She always will._

As Anakin progressed through the hour, he gained a sense of peace and strength, which came not from denying or twisting reality, but from seeing it in full. He refused to ignore or trivialise the difficulties he would soon face, but they ceased to be the centre of his world. While meditating, he noticed that despite its shadows, his life featured a vibrant glow, which shone clearer at a distance. Though his darkest burdens were yet to come, he was ready to face them.

As he exhaled, the last dreaded memory washed over him. His body shook as if he were back in that Tusken Raider hut, holding his wounded mother and closing her eyelids, knowing they would never open again. The same forbidden rage flared up, but now he felt the shame which had been absent that wretched night. Soon his own wrathful cries were the loudest noise in his throbbing head.

He did not want to accept that the hateful man on Tatooine was him, but the reality was unavoidable. _I left the planet to train as a Jedi_ , he remembered, _but I became a murderer_. _If that is who I am, no noble deed can redeem me_. He expected his genuine self to scurry among the sand dunes with the other reviled creatures, while any praise he received for his courage went unheard.

His determination to complete the meditation weakened. He wondered if the promised peace was worth his current torment. The optimistic thoughts which had sustained him slipped from his grasp. He uncrossed his legs and tensed his muscles, preparing to stand, but then he froze. _If I give in_ , he thought, his eyes still shut, _I might never overcome this weakness_. Anakin could no longer deny how essential it was that he attain inner harmony, knowing what might happened if he did not.

Once again, he was at risk of getting caught up in the pain of his loss and his nagging guilt. He forced himself to concentrate instead on the present and how his body felt within it. His arms were sore. His neck ached, but the pillow was soft and his heartbeat steady. At that moment, neither he, nor anyone he cared for, was in danger. He had no reason to be scared, not even of himself. His explosive emotions were not his core being, but temporary problems he could overcome if he knew how.

Then the answer came. He did not need to do anything else. The torment he experienced while meditating was the reason the practice existed. The more relaxed he became, the easier it would be to find other possible solutions.

The temple bell rang. Anakin opened his eyes and listened to its echoes. To his amazement, the end of the hour disappointed him. His mind had not yet settled. Darkness lurked in its depths, but he was no longer the only Padawan unable to meditate. Confident the worst was over, he looked forward to creating a string of successes. For now, at least, his fight against fear was won.

Anakin laughed as he recalled how his first meditation of the week, which took place the morning after his encounter with Obi-wan in the training arena, was cut short. He blamed the failure on his overactive mind and a frightening, yet absurd, tale.

In it, he crawled into bed with his old master and grimaced as the man reached out to embrace him. The stench from his armpit hung in the air and his snores kept Anakin awake for half the night, but his troubles did not end after he fell asleep. In the morning, Obi-wan woke him by yanking his shoulders and smothering him with slobbery kisses. He begged to stay under their blanket, hoping to wipe the saliva from his cheek and lips, but his husband never listened.

He forbade Anakin from leaving their living quarters, lest he run into Padme, the Chancellor or anyone else he deemed dangerous. When his partner did not go along with his regimen of constant sabre practice and lectures against loving anyone but him, he unleashed a barrage of snide criticism.

Since Anakin could never tolerate such a life, he pictured himself searching in desperation for a way to escape and finding only one. His horror at the imagined act jerked him back to reality and he found himself soaked in sweat. Three days passed before he meditated again.

During his second attempt, the same narrative played through his mind, but he rejected it as an obvious lie. Obi-wan was not only a kind man, but a perceptive one. He knew when his Padawan was nervous, angry or the slightest bit uncomfortable. If their marriage was unpleasant for either of them, he would end it, no matter what objections the Council made. Anakin set that fear aside and the meditation session went on until a set of graver concerns, those related to war, overcame him.

After succeeding in his third and latest attempt, he was ready to consider both the positive and negative aspects of spending his life with Obi-wan. No special insights emerged, but his thoughts were more ordered. Anakin could sort through them to determine which were worthy of attention and which were not.

It was foolish to obsess over any physical discomfort Obi-wan might cause. A nasty smell and some dribble were harmless compared to their regular missions, which lead them to perilous planets, covered in ice, mud, lava or, worse, sand. The delusional Jedi even expected Anakin to enjoy their kisses. He snorted at the idea, but recognised that Obi-wan had benevolent intentions.

If judged by his inner nature alone, as one should be according to the principles of the Order, his master was a desirable partner. He was a gentle, wise and reliable man of strong moral character _,_ not to mention wit. Anakin even found his occasional sarcasm endearing.

Obi-wan was one of these decent men his mother once dreamed of meeting, the kind she was told did not exist on Tatooine. _Any sensible women would want him_ , Anakin realised, but he was neither of those things. _When he picks someone else to chase after, I will not hesitate to recommend him as a husband_. _It is the least I can do._

He reflected on how they, as a team, had defeated deadly enemies, rescued political prisoners and prevented countless bloody conflicts. Their common aptitude for duelling and commitment to the Jedi cause made them an unstoppable pair. Despite their bickering, they fought as one. Even their differences made them more compatible. As the more aggressive fighter, Anakin often charged through crowds of battle droids, while Obi-wan rebounded their blaster fire. It was reasonable for a cautious tactician to seek to replicate a successful strategy in a new environment.

The more Anakin considered their possible relationship, the more sense it made in terms of the values the Jedi held dear. Their bond would be one of fairness, respect and even lasting peace, for their every argument ended with them becoming closer. _Some elements of his fantasies can come true_ , he thought, though they aroused no excitement in him, _I can get along with Obi-wan, but he will never be Padme._ Then again, maybe that was his intent.

When together, Anakin and the young Senator battled with intense desires they did not ask for and, these raw passions lead to mental turmoil. A marriage to Obi-wan was a safer, yet duller, alternative or so he had assumed before their chat in the training arena.

 _He wants me to feel a real attraction to him,_ he recalled, _by choice._ He swung his legs over the side of the bed, stood up and shook his head. As unbelievable as the idea was, he liked it.

The confusing claims Obi-wan had made fell into place. To love him, Anakin needed to gain complete control over his romantic feelings and if he somehow made his strongest emotion obey his command, so would the others. He could then enjoy a happy marriage, without developing an intoxicating obsession, and become as stable a Jedi as his master.

 _Then nothing will stop me from using my talents as I am meant to_ , he realised. _If Obi-wan is right and I fail to learn this mysterious power, I will be neglecting my duties and the interests of the galaxy. How convenient, Master_. _You sure know how to persuade._

Anakin changed into his Jedi attire, then fastened his utility belt, his head spinning. The idea of courting Obi-wan and becoming a more disciplined man was far too appealing. There had to be a downside. He expected the additional training to be difficult, but with enough time, he could acquire any ability introduced to him and would not allow anyone to think otherwise. He needed a better excuse for disappointing his noble teacher and endangering the Republic.

Anakin chuckled, though he accepted that his power brought greater significance to his decisions. Obi-wan viewed his every mistake as a potential catastrophe. _No wonder he wants me to stay inside making droids_ , he remembered. _If he knew what they were capable of I would lose that liberty too_. He hoped that, while describing his fantasy, the Jedi Master had listed the first hobbies which came to mind and their consistent domestic setting was a coincidence.

Either way, Obi-wan had insisted on making their future relationship one of equality, in which his dreams were negotiable. Anakin could bring up that promise if his master ever sought to isolate him from Padme or the Chancellor, but he doubted it was enough. The older Jedi had held authority over him for a decade and planned to turn their courtship into yet another occasion in which he acted as his educator. Anakin wondered whether his apprenticeship would ever be over.

He sensed his facial muscles tensing and relaxed them. The calmness from earlier was wearing off, but that was no excuse to descend into anger. _It is not your fault you struggle to let go of me, Obi-wan_ , he thought _. As the Chancellor says, everyone who gains power behaves this way. You did not ask to be my trainer. It was a path Qui-gon made you follow, but you cannot change it now. You will never see me as an equal. Stop pretending you can. Our courtship will accomplish nothing. I wish it were otherwise, but I must tell you no._

Anakin expected these words to sadden Obi-wan, but he could not object to them, given his commitment to avoiding unhealthy attachments. It was wrong for a Jedi Master to demand affection from a former Padawan, even a brilliant and talented one.

He opted to wait until after the trials before informing Obi-wan of his choice. His throat tightened at the idea of letting him build up false hope, then crushing it, but such harshness was necessary. He needed him on his side to impress the Council members who would decide his destiny within the Order.

Even then, he did not expect fair treatment and aimed to compensate by making sure his duelling skills were impeccable. During his two earlier meditations, it had taken Anakin only an instant to dismiss his nervousness regarding the trails. This worry had stuck with him longer in his third session, but an extra hour in the training arena could eliminate it.

He summoned the light sabre under his pillow to his mechanical hand, then waved his flesh one over the reinstalled fingerprint sensor, which was now in a more convenient position. The automatic door slid open and he strolled out of his room towards the central elevator, at a brisk pace.

Anakin resolved to keep his mind free of irrelevant matters as he practised. He had fulfilled his promise to Obi-wan by examining the merits of his offer with total sincerity. There was no reason to consider it further, but he did not stop considering it.

* * *

Anakin strolled into the training arena to find Obi-wan facing a group of younglings dressed in grey tunics. He was familiar with the basic light sabre movements his master was teaching to the Jedi Initiates, who had not yet chosen a combat style to specialise in. The routine was meant to be a simple introduction to Soresu, but it made Anakin cringe. _Too much blocking and not enough real duelling_ , he thought. To his great annoyance, Obi-wan had made him repeat the exercise over and over until he perfected it.

He walked towards the opposite side of the otherwise empty arena and turned his face away from the class to prevent anyone from recognising him. He preferred not to be distracted by younglings who, despite representing various species, shared the same incessant curiosity.

"Hello there," said Obi-wan. The hum generated by the green and blue sabres quietened.

Anakin let out a sigh and turned towards the class. "Good morning," he said. He guessed that his thudding footsteps had given him away. Stealth was not among his many strengths and his weaknesses were common knowledge within the Jedi Order

Obi-wan looked over his shoulder, smiled and switched off his sabre. "Morning ended an hour ago."

"I must have lost track of time," said Anakin, surprised it had taken him so long to make his decision.

"Well, I hope you are more careful with it in the future. Your trials are in one week."

"If you pass you can be a Jedi Knight," said a Twi-lek, "then you get to teach us. We'll behave, I promise." His white lekku twitched. A Zabrak, who was covering his mouth with one hand and clutching his horns with the other, giggled until the female beside him smacked his arm.

Anakin decided that when took on a student of his own, he would choose a girl, though he had no preferences when it came to her species. His spine tingled at the thought of how close he was to gaining the responsibilities and privileges of a true Jedi.

"Come here, my Padawan," said Obi-wan, "meet some of the younglings you'll be training."

"Are any as gifted as me?"

"You will have to get to know yourself to find out. I swear they don't bite. At least most of them don't." The attentive pupils laughed in unison.

Anakin counted the students as he approached them. It amazed him that Obi-wan could manage twenty at once.

"Remember to address this daring man as Master Skywalker once he has taken the trials," Obi-wan said to the Initiates, "Younglings such as yourselves might get into trouble if you don't. As Jedi, we respect age and experience. "

These words made Anakin straighten his back as he moved to stand beside Obi-wan. It had not occurred to him that training a new generation of learners meant having power over them. The age gap between him and the Initiates was no larger than that separating him from his master yet one matter more than the other. From the standpoint of a child, both he and Obi-wan were adults. Over time, as they grew older, a difference of fifteen years would matter less and less. One day, they would even share the titles of Jedi Master and High Council member, if Anakin got his way.

"Remember, Skywalker dislikes having to repeat himself," said Obi-wan, still talking to the younglings, "so make sure you listen well."

Anakin smiled. He was glad he deemed him worthy of being heard, even if it was by others. Maybe he should not have dismissed the idea of an egalitarian relationship with him.

In a twisted way, the galaxy had, by making his master love him, given Anakin the attention and care he wanted. He wondered if it was conspiring to make him doubt his choice. Somehow Obi-wan was winning him over without any deliberate effort. _He wants equality as much as I do_ , he realised, _but I cannot let him sway me_. Given the leadership role he would soon take on he could not afford to be indecisive.

"Who wants to show Skywalker what we've been learning?"

The students shrivelled back. Anakin strode towards them, his lips quirking at the sight of their confused faces. He looked forward to watching the Initiates beg for his training and even to providing it. "You must be skilled blockers and dodgers by now," he said, with a slight snigger.

"They are," said Obi-wan, "They have mastered the correct sequence of motions, but to them it is only that. Though their technique is more precise than yours was, their training will be of limited use if they can't trust in the Force and let it move through them."

"Strength in the Force is not something you can teach, Master. It isn't their fault they lack confidence in their power when they have so little compared to me."

"Well, if your abilities are so impressive why don't you give the students a demonstration?"

"Why don't you help me?"

"Is that a challenge, Anakin?"

"It is," he said, "if you're prepared for one."

"I am," said Obi-wan, his eyes wide, "though, on this fine summer day, I will not spar with you while you're weighed down by your cloak."

Anakin cast aside the thick garment, aware that he was wearing a sleeveless undertunic. The Jedi Order discouraged men from drawing attention to their physical strength, but he was proud of his lean, yet muscular, arms. They could intimidate as well as entice. "You should take yours off too," he said, stepping back and raising his eyebrows, "for the sake of fairness."

Obi-wan grinned as he removed his own cloak and followed Anakin into the middle of the arena, until they stood only three paces apart.

The Padawan stared at the bare arms of his master, unable to recall the last time they were visible. They were thicker than his own and softer, or so he suspected, but neither the flab nor the dense hairs, hid their biceps. Anakin drew his weapon and ignited it. "I sense a worthy rival."

"I do too." Obi-wan switched on his sabre and held it close to shield his chest. "Shall we begin?"

Anakin nodded. They both bowed to show that their contest was friendly, then circled each other in a cross stance, their every step in sync. Seconds, then minutes, passed without either of them using their sabres or breaking eye contact.

As a defensive duelist, Obi-wan was less effective at employing offensive tactics. _If I make him go first,_ thought Anakin, _I can dodge to the side and get him before he recovers_.

His master smirked, but kept his face relaxed as if he were immune to any temptation towards aggression. Infuriated by his smugness, Anakin clenched his jaw. His artificial hand trembled beneath its elbow length glove.

He leapt forward and swung at Obi-wan, targeting his waist, but he blocked him with only a slight tilt of his own blade. Anakin grunted, then directed a second attack at his torso with as little success.

He could not see a way to claim the fast victory he craved. The Jedi was untouchable. Then, after his eighth failed move, a solution come to him. He decided not to relent, but instead drive Obi-wan towards the wall.

The plan worked well. His master shifted his eyes from left to right, managing to guard both sides of his body, but defending against constant strikes prevented him from glancing back. Soon his legs were pressed against the bench at the edge of the arena. With no room to assume a protective stance, he was in a weak position.

The norms of the Order discouraged the Initiates from calling out to Obi-wan, lest they distract him, but in the corner of his vision, Anakin saw their mouths drop. His heart pounded.

He slashed at his opponent, aiming for his chest, but he ducked out of the way and reappeared on his right an instant later, facing his exposed hip.

Then, as Obi-wan lunged towards him, Anakin pulled back his elbow. Their sabres locked and their eyes met. The Padawan pushed with his full strength, but neither of their weapons budged. The blue blade of his master warmed his nose and hands. He struggled to maintain a firm grip on his own sabre and keep it from burning his shoulder. A single touch meant an end to the duel.

While he feared being humiliated in front of the youngling onlookers, there was a greater threat. If Obi-wan came any nearer their elbows would brush against each other. The thought of it filled Anakin with a terror he did not understand. He wanted to keep him and his hairy arms away, but his adversary leaned forward, as if striving for the opposite.

Anakin gathered what was left of his strength and let it surge through his limbs. With a ferocious growl, he forced Obi-wan back, then knocked him off balance with a heavy downward blow. He toppled over his hand smashing into the bench behind him.

Anakin pointed his blade at his throat, then turned it off and breathed out in relief, convinced his triumph would teach Obi-wan a lesson.

The Jedi moaned and clutched his wrist. A blonde boy brought him his cloak. Other Initiates formed a circle around him, but a few hung back, glaring at Anakin. He avoided looked at them, but could not ignore the sight of Obi-wan struggling to sit up and wincing as a Twi'lek offered him her hand. He shook his head and let out a long groan.

Anakin kept his expression fixed, though his stomach was sinking. "Go find help," he said to the Twi'lek, who nodded and ran for the passageway which led to the medical bay, "the rest of you, get away." The students scattered and kept a safe distance from him.

Obi-wan who lifted his head to meet his gaze. He flexed his gloved fingers, then clenched them, his lips pursed. The idea of raising his victim to his feet using the hands which had hurt him made him queasy, but the younglings were too little to bear his weight. He hoped a Healer was on the way.

His eyes watered as he knelt beside Obi-wan. He now understood the full cruelty of his murderous desires and what would happen if he acted on them. Unlike his old fantasies, the new one did not stop at the point when he stabbed his master through the stomach and he collapsed in a bleeding heap. It continued until his wide eyes went blank and he choked on his final words of apology for his failure, then rolled onto his front, his body limp.

The real world offered Anakin no consolation from his guilt, for Obi-wan was quivering and biting his tongue as if suppressing an agonised cry. _This is want I wanted_ , he remembered. _What is wrong with me? Whatever it is, I must fix it_. He did not want to find himself, days later, sobbing beside a corpse and longing to hear a gentle voice chastise him for his crime.

He expected the disturbing image to return whenever anger threatened to take over his mind, but remorse alone was not enough free him from his sickening urges. The past few weeks had taught him that. To quell his mysterious fury towards Obi-wan and repair the rift between them, he needed to determine its cause.

M _aybe my anger is not your fault,_ thought Anakin, _but mine_ _._ _I was wrong to keep secrets from you. If I share them, you might tell me what is happening. I have given up on figuring it out myself._

"Master," he said, in a whisper. Then footsteps rang out across stone floor. He glanced behind him to see a temple Healer heading towards them.

His confession had to wait. Unwilling to discuss the details of the duel, Anakin stood up, retrieved his cloak and left the training arena, regretting having gone there that afternoon.

* * *

That evening, Anakin rushed back and forth across the central hall of the medical bay, past rows of wounded Jedi. The Healers present attended to as many as they could. Not a single bed was empty, but Obi-wan was not in any of them.

"Over here, my Padawan," a nearby voice called.

Anakin did not know what to expect as he passed through a narrow archway between a pair of blood stained beds, each bearing an unconscious male. As he entered the private ward, his feet dragged and his shoulders hung as if they were twice their normal weight. The room was dim, but the high windows shown enough light on the bed for him to see Obi-wan sitting on it, with white bandages around his left wrist. Anakin bent his head.

"Look at me," said Obi-wan, "Tell me, what is wrong?"

"You should know, you're the one who is injured," said Anakin.

"A broken wrist is too minor to count as an injury. It will heal in three months, two if I receive regular assistance from the Healers, but I shouldn't use up their time when others need it more. That is why I moved out of the main hall. My right hand still works, so I can wield my light sabre. While I am of use to the Republic, it makes little sense to stay here, but I will not disobey my fellow Jedi Masters. Given my importance, they want to make sure the rest of me is unharmed, but I hope they release me tomorrow."

 _I get it, Obi-wan_ , thought Anakin, his arms crossed, _despite your influence, you are humble and selfless. Why must you show off your perfection?_ "Did the student tell anyone what happened?"

"She only said that I hurt myself while sparring and did not mention you, but you can't stop the others from discussing what they saw. Rumours will spread and, in time, fade. Remember, genuine goodness in worth more than a glowing reputation."

These words only made Anakin feel worse, but he summoned the courage to look Obi-wan in the eyes. "Even if no one finds out, I am sorry for what I did."

"It was an accident and I don't fault you for becoming a more capable fighter. With time and practice, you'll grow accustomed to your new strength and learn to manage it with care."

"I didn't hurt you out of incompetence, Master. I did it because I wanted to. Part of me stills want to, but I don't know why."

Obi-wan gave a long sigh. "How long have you felt this way, Anakin?"

"It started after I visited Tatooine." The anger had existed before, but not with such intensity. He suspected that violent deeds bred wicked desires.

"I warned you not to stray from your mission."

"I didn't. I took Padme with me and kept her safe, isn't that enough?"

"From the standpoint of the Jedi Council and the Republic it is, but what she told me makes me worry for you. We spoke while you were recovering in the medical ward on Geonosis."

"I know. I heard everything you said."

Obi-wan blushed. The colour in his cheeks was intense enough to be visible despite the faint light. "Well then, you know how much I struggle to behave as a Jedi should when around you."

 _He acts as if admiring me is the worst thing he ever did,_ thought Anakin, _and for him it might be_. "Trust me, you don't know how dangerous attachments can be or where they might lead."

"You should tell me then. Your politician friend mentioned that you experienced a disturbing event on Tatooine and promised to discuss it with me. If you don't want to I will not make you, but if a tragic fate awaits anyone who feels loves, I deserve a warning, don't I?"

"Nothing similar will ever happen to you. You were raised in the Jedi Temple. Your emotions aren't the as strong as mine and you've never had a mother, not one you remember. You see, the dreams I had, they weren't ordinary nightmares." Anakin lowered himself into a hard chair beside the bed, his legs shaking. "They were visions and what they showed me was real."

"So, you went to Tatooine to find your mother and you did."

"Yes," said Anakin, "but I couldn't help her."

"That is unfortunate. Qui-gon told me she was a kind woman. Is she still in danger?"

Anakin shook his head. "She died soon after I got to her."

Obi-wan did not make a sound. He lowered his eyes and parted his lips.

Anakin sniffled, fighting back the tears welling in his weary eyes. "I haven't been the same since. You have no idea how strong my anger is. I've been hiding so much from you."

"Then I'm glad you mustered the courage to open up to me. I sympathise with your pain, more than you realise. Given the harshness with which the galaxy has treated you, it's no wonder you're finding it hard to grasp our concept of compassion. I feared you had forgotten my teachings."

"I haven't. I'm not stupid." Anakin crossed his arms. "I remember what you said and I know what the Jedi mean by compassion, but I don't see the point of it. Warm feelings don't save lives or end wars. Why share the suffering of others if I can't end it?"

"You don't need to defend the whole galaxy by yourself, my Padawan. You're not alone. The Jedi, together with the Republic and its new army, as curious as it is, will put a stop to the Clone War. Don't underestimate what a united force of committed individuals can accomplish."

"I don't share your optimism."

"Even so, your compassion is an essential part of who you are."

Anakin frowned. "Are you saying I can't get rid of it? Then it is curse."

"You aren't cursed, my Padawan," said Obi-wan. "If you insist, you can do away with your kind instincts by averting your eyes from any traumas that aren't your own and pretending they don't matter. Ignore your conscience long enough and it will fall silent. I learned that through my negotiations with leaders of the Trade Federation. They chose the path of seeking personal gain regardless of the consequences and became vicious slaves to greed. I urge you not to imitate them."

"They are vile," said Anakin, remembering that Viceroy Gunray was the mastermind behind the Naboo invasion and the attempts to assassinate Padme, "but I envy them. They only care for themselves, so their lives are easy, luxurious and free from pain or fear."

"No, that is an illusion. In truth, they are the most pathetic beings in the galaxy. When I confront them, they tremble, terrified that I may strip away their political might. Since they refuse to show kindness, they have no true friends. If their wealth and influence ever dry up, they will have no one to support them. That is why they cling with such desperation to material goods and the power they provide. What they are prepared to do to maintain their status will shock you."

"I doubt that, Master. Brutal aggression no longer surprises me."

"Trust me, Anakin. What you've overhead them discuss is nothing compared to the brutal destruction they admit to when I face them alone. They blockade planets until their citizens starve, work their prisoners to death and hire the most ruthless of bounty hunters to execute anyone who gets in their way. If they have enough firepower, they will spare no one, not even younglings."

Anakin gulped. "Can you forgive the heads of the Trade Federation for their atrocities?"

"I struggle to and if you can't, I understand. As a Jedi, I show mercy, even to those who don't merit it. One must when dealing with tyrants or they will lash out in vengeance and more lives will be lost. After years of practice, I learned to contain my fury towards them and pity them instead. They have traded their sense of decency for a ruthless ambition, which surrounds them with enemies, real and imaginary, turning their inner worlds into prisons of paranoia. You don't want to end up that way. Be grateful for your caring nature, it saves you from their miserable fate."

His master kept speaking, but Anakin blocked out his naïve words. _Nothing can save me, Obi-wan_ , he thought. _My caring nature turned me into a monster, by your own standards. You are in love with a lie._ Despite rejecting his courtship offer, he had grown accustomed to the romantic feelings his master displayed. They comforted him, by making him believe he was worthy of such affection. He did not dare destroy them by exposing his evil. His visit now served no purpose.

"I know you want to guard your heart against danger, but shutting it away isn't the answer. Once the war is over, you'll be glad you held onto your humanity. Anakin, are you listening?"

The young Padawan did not react. He saw no reason to pay attention and instead stared at the stone wall of the ward as if Obi-wan were not there, until he too became quiet.

Hours went by and the secret Anakin carried stayed enclosed within him. Even as it burned his stomach and then his limbs, he could not release it. He feared crushing the warm fantasies of his foolish master more than his own inescapable grief.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading._ _Sorry it took so long to finish this chapter. I hope to get the next one done faster._


	7. Chapter 6: Predicaments

**Author's Note:** _I was hoping to get this chapter down by Friday the 13th, but I am a few days late. At least I got it done in time to work on something for Halloween. It also took me less time than the previous chapter (three and a half months instead of six, though that is still too long)._ _  
_

 _I invented the dining hall myself since I could not find anything online. The underground caves are also my invention. Otherwise I am doing my best to stay close to established material.  
_

 ** _Chapter 6: Predicaments_**

On the morning of his trials, Anakin pushed through the crowds of Padawans gathered in the dining hall. At the end of a long table, in a corner of the room reserved for Jedi Masters, he spotted of Obi-wan sitting across from Mace Windu, who leaned towards him.

Anakin tuned into their conversation as he approached them.

"I have trained him as best I can," said Obi-wan. "The rest is his responsibility and he has prepared himself well over the past month, but we must remember that the will of the Force shapes his destiny too." Anakin suspected the supposed will of the Force was in fact that of the Jedi Council.

"I can't grant the boy any favours," said Windu. "If he cannot perform to our standards, he will not become a Jedi Knight."

"We should be fair to him. None of us are born flawless, not even you or me."

"I don't want to hear excuses for his weaknesses. I expect results."

"You will get them," said Anakin, hovering behind Obi-wan.

Windu pursed his lips. "What are you doing here? Go sit with the other students."

Anakin raised his chin. "I wish to speak to Master Kenobi."

"Then speak and make it quick."

"I believe my Padawan intends to meet with me alone," said Obi-wan. He flashed a gentle smile at Anakin.

"His intentions are no secret from me," said Windu, "but whatever he wants to say, he can say to both of us."

"What I want is advice," said Anakin, "and my master is the best person to provide it."

"Maybe you should have asked for it earlier, instead of cowering in your room."

"I must agree with Master Windu," said Obi-wan. "Since it has been so long since I last saw you anywhere in the Temple, I was wondering whether you still wanted to face the trails today."

"I do," said Anakin, "but I can't pass them using my knowledge alone, so I came here to seek wisdom and you're bursting with it."

Obi-wan chuckled. "I suppose that is why I feel compelled to share it, whether you listen or not, though hearing you ask for my help is a welcome change."

"The past week has taught me how much I need it. I shouldn't have avoided you."

"Well, I can't argue with that." Obi-wan rose to his feet. "We will finish out discussion later" he said to Windu. "I want to savour this rare moment. At last, I can offer the sort of personal guidance I'm expected to, as a Jedi Master assigned to a Padawan, and not be despised for it. Such an opportunity might never come again."

"You will have other Padawans," said Windu, "more obedient ones."

"Yes, but nobody can replace Anakin, not when it comes to amusing me, inspiring me or invigorating my mind." Obi-wan stepped back from the table. "Even his stubborn resistance to our rules is valuable, to an extent. It challenges us to gain a deeper understanding of our core principles."

Windu pressed his hands together. "The Jedi Order can only handle so much defiance and he has a unique mission. You must not let him stray from it."

Obi-wan nodded. "Anakin will defeat the Sith, if only to impress me." He shot his student a wink.

Windu narrowed his eyes. "Remember, Master Kenobi, the trials will test not only his abilities, but his motives too. Do not encourage him to have the wrong ones."

"I understand," said Obi-wan, with a slight quiver in his voice. He turned away from Windu and beckoned to Anakin to follow him.

They collected their breakfast trays from the counter, found a table with two empty seats at its end and sat across from each other. Relieved he did not need to sit beside Obi-wan, Anakin let out a sigh. The anxiety his master provoked still confused him and keeping his distance had strengthened it.

"First, let me express how pleased I am to see you again," said Obi-wan. "I feared you might never come out of hiding. What you been doing?"

"You told me to relax before my trials," said Anakin, "and I find my room more relaxing than the rest of the Temple, so I've been resting there." The full story was too painful to describe.

At first, he had only hidden from Obi-wan, fearing the sight of his bandaged wrist and the memory of the larger crime he was meant confess to him. Then, two days after their fateful sparring session, Anakin noticed three Jedi Initiates huddling together and muttering, while the tallest cast occasional glances at him. Within hours, every student in the Temple was reacting the same way whenever he rounded a corner. Even the Jedi Masters did not take their eyes off him as he passed. Their piercing stares suggested they not only knew the unsavoury rumour, but sensed his secret evils too.

"You don't look well rested," said Obi-wan. "Your eyes are hollow and your face is gaunt. I can only imagine how bony the rest of you must be."

With sluggish arms, Anakin stirred his spoon through the bland porridge, without lifting it. Over the past week, his guilt had suppressed his natural hunger, making him eat less than his assigned portions. Convinced the entire Order despised him, he became more and more hesitant to enter the communal spaces of the Temple. For the past three days, his room had been his sanctuary. He only left it at dawn, to retrieve his breakfast from the dining room while it was still empty, intending to make it last until the following morning.

"It is obvious you're suffering, my Padawan," said Obi-wan. "You don't need to disguise your pain from us. We can support you through your struggles if you give us a chance."

 _No,_ thought Anakin, _you and the other Jedi are the source of my troubles_ , but they were not. It had taken him until the previous night to realise he could not escape his torment by retreating into solitude. His remorse followed him wherever he went, even into his bed, where he lay awake, exhausted, but restless. He doubted he would ever be at peace again and dreaded the coming day. The thought of standing before his injured master and the rest of the Council terrified him.

His despair dragged him into an uneasy sleep, but the next day, when he awoke, he arrived at an uplifting realisation. Since his agony stayed with him no matter where he was, he gained nothing from being alone. Instead of crushing his hope, as he expected it to, this revelation liberated him, for it meant he had nothing to lose by being among his fellow Jedi. He sprung out of bed, got dressed and left for the dining room, eager to see Obi-wan, who he missed more than anyone.

"As my master, I know you mean well," said Anakin, "but my burdens aren't those of ordinary Jedi and I don't need anyone to bear them for me. I just want you to help me get ready for the trials."

Obi-wan sighed. "Well, the first thing you should do is eat your porridge. You can't perform well on an empty stomach and it would be shame to let such capable body waste away to nothing."

Anakin raised his spoon, but soon lowered it. His mechanical hand was functioning as normal, but he lacked the will to bring it to his mouth. The food held no appeal for him.

"Come now," said Obi-wan, "if I can eat my breakfast, so can you with your two working hands."

Anakin glared. "I don't need a reminder of the incident in the training arena."

"I didn't mean to evoke that memory. You must pardon my pathetic attempt at humour, just as I've pardoned you for your aggression during our duel."

"The rest of the Order hasn't." Anakin glanced sidewards. Two Padawans at the table shifted away from him. He grimaced, but knew their reactions made sense. He himself showed little mercy towards those who inflicted deliberate harm upon his brothers and sisters in arms.

"In time they will. Jedi are forgiving. We refuse to harbour grudges. Now eat or do you want me to shove the spoon in your mouth myself?"

"You aren't my father," said Anakin, through gritted teeth, "and you can't act as if you are, not while you feel the way you do. It's sickening."

"I don't intend to act as your parent in the future, but I am your master and will be until the ceremony which makes you a Jedi Knight. The instant your braid is cut, at sunset, you'll be free to do as you wish, but for the next twelve hours you must obey me. Eat, my Padawan. That is an order."

"Fine," he said, determined to stop Obi-wan from fulfilling his humiliating threat to feed him by force. He focused on scooping up the porridge, then bringing the soggy mess to his lips and consuming it. He was not interested in enjoying the meal. His only aims were to put energy into his system and silence the concerns of his mentor. He gulped down the last spoonful and pushed the bowl forward. "What else must I do?"

"You have done enough to get ready for the trails. Your sabre skills and your knowledge of Jedi principles are sufficient. You have limitless courage and as much wisdom as I can expect from one your age. If you relax, eat your lunch at the appropriate time and remember what I've taught you, you'll do well."

"What will the trails involve, Master?"

"I can't tell you, Anakin. As a member of the Council, I swore to keep the details of your trials secret until you attempted them. I can only say that they will test your dedication to the Order."

"The Jedi cause is noble and I'm willing to face any danger for its sake. I've even risked my life for it. Isn't that enough?"

"You have an extraordinary ability to let go of your self-preservation instincts, to the point where I wonder if you have any. We don't doubt your bravery or selflessness. Instead the trails will challenge you to overcome your weaknesses. You must prove you can put the whole of the Jedi Order above any individual within it or outside it, not only yourself."

Anakin considered these words. "The trails will test if I can let go of attachments, right?" The silence he received from Obi-wan suggested that he was correct. "You haven't told anyone what happened to my mother, have you?"

"No, I kept the account to myself. It pains me to think of it, let alone discuss it."

"Then, did you mention my infatuation with Padme?" His month apart from her had allowed Anakin to assess his feelings and chose the most accurate word to describe them.

"I pointed it out before you left with her to Naboo," said Obi-wan, "but the others dismissed my worries. Their focus lies with another attachment. You'll find out more soon enough."

Disappointed he was not going to learn the specifics of his trials, Anakin became distracted by the sound of metal plates clanking together. He saw C3PO waving at him and gestured to the droid, who made his way to the table with a slight bounce in his cautious steps.

"Master Anakin," said C3PO, in his joyful voice, "how fortunate it is that you've reappeared at last! Artoo and I have been wondering where you were."

"I needed some time to myself," said Anakin, who had kept even his droids out of his room while he stayed there, "but I'm feeling better now."

"That is wonderful news. If you aren't too busy, I have a small favour to ask of you. For the past two days, my arms have been rather jittery. I'll be most grateful if you repair them."

"The entire Temple will be," said Obi-wan. "Your malfunctioning droid has been dropping trays and dishes everywhere. Nobody here can fix him and he has become a subject of many complaints from younglings and Padawans, who are yet to learn patience. When he came here we agreed to keep him while he was useful, but now the Council is considering expelling him from the Temple."

"Expel me," said the droid. "My goodness!"

"I will not let them," said Anakin, "I can fix you." He stood up and grabbed a pry bar from his pocket. Then he faced C3PO, laid a hand on his shoulder to calm him and, with care, prized open the circular panel in the centre of his chest. Behind it was a cylindrical cavity, containing an assortment of basic tools, including a rusted wrench and a collection of wires. "I built him so I could always repair him no matter where we went."

Obi-wan looked up at him. "Do you know what the problem is?"

Anakin detached a metal plate just below the left elbow of his droid. "Let me have a look." During his inspection, he found several frayed cords, but his insulative glove protected his artificial hand from danger. "I am amazed by how long these wires have lasted," he said, "but I should replace the entire set for both arms so nothing breaks again."

The droid jerked his head. "Are you sure the procedure is safe?"

"It is for you, but I need you to turn you off so Obi-wan and I don't get electrocuted."

"As you wish, Master Ani, and may I say again how thankful I am for your assistance. You are the most generous human I've ever encountered."

"I suppose you don't know Obi-wan yet. I'll introduce him to you once you're fixed."

C3PO switched off and Anakin got to work, while his master watched him. "I now understand how your droid learned his excessive flattery," said Obi-wan.

Anakin stared at him, while unscrewing a tight bolt. "What do you mean?"

Obi-wan blushed. His cheeks stayed red while his Padawan completed the long task. After disassembling the arms of the motionless droid, he inserted the unused wires into their proper spots. As Anakin reattached the plates covering them, a crowd of Jedi students gathered around the table. Unable to understand their sudden interest, he ignored them.

He slipped his prybar into his pocket, tucked the wrench into its compartment and returned the central panel to its place, before turning the droid on. C3PO sprung to life and greeted everyone around him. Anakin then handed him an empty bowl. He grasped it and held it steady. "Oh, thank the Maker," he said, prompting the surrounding onlookers to burst into applause.

Obi-wan joined in with a soft clap of his own. "I told you Jedi were forgiving."

"I guess you were right," said Anakin, his voice weak.

As promised, he presented C3PO to Obi-wan. They chatted, while he collected the remaining wire scraps. The crowd dispersed, leaving him to wonder how long their admiration of him would last. He recalled the harshness with which the Council had treated his droid, when they could not find a use for him. _They see him as nothing more than a tool_ , thought Anakin and wondered whether they saw him the same way. Either way, the trials were his chance to prove he was not broken.

* * *

Anakin took a deep breath, adjusted his cloak and strode into the High Council Chamber on the top floor of the south-eastern tower. After eating a proper lunch for the first time in days, sleeping and practising his light sabre routine one last time, he felt prepared to overcome any physical test. His only fear was having to stand before twelve pairs of judgemental eyes.

Obi-wan rose from his padded seat and walked over to meet his Padawan. "Your shoulders are tense," he said. "Relax them. To pass the trials, you must show control over your emotions as well as your sabre." Behind him, eleven other Jedi Masters sat in a circle muttering to each other.

Worried his master was searching for an excuse to touch him, the young student did as he instructed, but did not expect the change to make a difference. "You can still read my feelings through the Force," said Anakin.

Obi-wan kept his voice quiet as he spoke. "I fear it doesn't always provide definite answers these days. Your body language will influence the way we interpret your Force signal, though if you calm yourself, you will not need to fake confidence."

"How can I be calm? I don't want to lose the chance to become a Jedi Knight and have no choice but to keep living under your control. You know how important these trials are."

"I am afraid they are even more important than you realise. If you cannot pass them you'll cease to even be a Padawan."

Anakin faced Obi-wan, his eyes wide. "Will I have to leave the Jedi Order?"

"No, but you will be assigned a new role. Students who cannot progress through our ranks enter the Jedi Service Core. They then travel between planets, supporting our peacekeeping efforts through their various powers, but aren't involved in combat."

"I can't accept that. I'm one of the strongest fighters in the Order. It is my destiny to save the galaxy from the Sith. I must not fail."

"Those in the Service Core aren't failures, my Padawan, and you shouldn't feel ashamed if you join them. The work you'll perform will be vital to our cause and your path no less honourable than that of a Jedi Knight, but it will diverge from mine. The organisation operates as a separate branch of the Order. If you become part of it, we'll never see each other again. That is the only downside and I fear you may not even see it as such." Obi-wan lowered his gaze.

"I do," said Anakin. "You are a kind and noble man. I want us to stay friends. Believe me." He knew he had felt this way for as long as he knew Obi-wan and only disliked the power he wielded over him. Once he succeeded in the trials, his former master would have to stop viewing him as a child, allowing their bond to become stronger than ever."

Obi-wan opened his mouth, but Windu interrupted him before he could speak. "It is time," he said, his voice loud, yet controlled. "Anakin Skywalker, step forward."

The Padawan nodded. He moved to the centre of the circular space, as Obi-wan returned to his seat.

Windu then took his place at the front of the chamber. He stood upright, facing Anakin, his form even taller and more imposing. The Coruscant horizon shone through the window behind him. "On this day, young Skywalker hopes to become a Jedi Knight, though some doubt he is ready."

"They are wrong," said Anakin, "and I'll prove it."

Yoda sat beside Windu with his legs crossed and his green head bent. "Much fear you brought with you when you arrived here, Skywalker. Now I sense the same fear behind your fierce words. Afraid you still are of losing those close to you. Powerful you have grown, but power alone will not make you a true Jedi. A long and difficult path, I see ahead of you."

"I agree," said Windu. "To complete the trials, one must demonstrate more than strength in the Force. In addition to light sabre skills, a Padawan wishing to become a Jedi Knight must show spirit, insight, courage and the fortitude to handle any pain, no matter how intense."

Obi-wan gulped. "I thought we agreed to exempt Anakin from the Trial of the Flesh. After he fought Count Dooku, we decided it was unnecessary, as is testing his courage."

Windu nodded. "If your account is true," he said to Obi-wan, "your Padawan has shown bravery by protecting you and suffered for his commitment to the Order. We grant that he has passed two of the five trials, but I must remind you that he lost the fight and left both you in peril. The Council is not impressed."

Yoda shook his head. "Blame Skywalker for his defeat, we cannot. Too mighty Dooku now is, for any Master and Padawan pair to face alone."

"No," said Anakin, "Obi-wan and I were strong enough to beat him, but I acted on impulse instead of heading his guidance. That is why Dooku won, but he will not escape us again."

"Talented you are Skywalker," said Yoda, "but dangerous it is, for a Jedi to show arrogance and impatience." He stroked his chin, as did several other Council members.

"It isn't shameful to admit your limitations, Anakin," said Obi-wan. "As a Jedi Knight, you must keep striving for a fuller knowledge of the Force and honing your fighting style, though I suspect you're right. It will not be long before we triumph over Dooku, now that you've worked so hard to improve your sabre technique."

"I am yet to see these improvements," said Windu. "I don't doubt the boy once possessed extraordinary abilities for a Padawan, but he now has an artificial hand. He must show he can use it."

Anakin furrowed his brow. "Trust me, I can."

"I daresay his replacement hand is even more impressive than his old one," said Obi-wan. He then bit his lip and glanced downwards.

Windu stared at his fellow Jedi Master for a moment, then addressed Anakin. "If so, you should have no problem demonstrating your skills, along with the spirit and insight expected of a Jedi Knight.

Anakin nodded. "Tell me what I must do."

"Take the central elevator to its lowest floor. You must travel through the underground caves, until you encounter a group of reprogrammed Separatist droids. One of them is storing a red hard drive, which you must collect without damaging its contents."

Anakin snorted. "Is that your idea of a challenge?"

Yoda giggled. "Simple the mission is. Easy it is not. More you will learn, once you enter the caves."

Anakin sighed. He was no fan of mysteries. As he turned away from the Council, he caught sight of Obi-wan gesturing and inclining his head. The Jedi student faced Windu once more and performed a reluctant bow. "Thank you for your guidance and for giving me this opportunity." He decided not to look back as he walked away, but then his master called out to him and broke his resolve.

"May the Force be with you, my Padawan," said Obi-wan.

"Never refer to me that way again," said Anakin, with a brief laugh.

Obi-wan grinned in response and his apprentice left the chamber, convinced that his mentor longed for his triumph as much as he did.

* * *

The doors of the turbo-elevator opened and Anakin stepped out into a dim basement. His footsteps echoed on the metallic floor. He had never ventured so far underground and was not prepared for the cold. He tightened his cloak and pressed onwards, aware that the Jedi Council was watching his movements through flickering cameras on the walls of the passage.

It ended at a durasteel door. Anakin froze. A blue sensor shone through a narrow opening on his left. He squeezed through it to find his two trusty droids waiting for him.

R2-D2 chirped, while C3PO greeted him in his usual polite manner. In his repaired hands, the protocol droid held a transparent cap covered in different coloured wires, which lead to a grey device that Anakin recognised as a short-range transmitter.

"You must be wondering why I've brought this most bizarre item," said C3PO. "The Jedi Council insists you wear it while in the caves. Once you put it on, Artoo will unlock the door."

Anakin slipped his arms through the straps attached to the transmitter and adjusted them to hold it in place. Then he stretched the cap over his head and tucked a few stray wires behind his ear to prevent them getting in his way. "What does it do?"

"I am sorry Sir, but that information is classified."

R2-D2 emitted a series of long and short bleeps as he inserted his utility arm into an outlet in the wall. Anakin nodded. "Thank you, Artoo."

C3PO slapped the dome of his shorter companion. "Stupid droid, if Master Anakin is cast out from the Jedi Order for cheating it will be your fault. Don't complain to me when he has you deactivated."

Anakin laughed, knowing he would never disable either of his faithful friends. He bid them farewell, went back through the opening and pushed against the door until it grated open.

Beyond it lay a granite cave, lit only by two lines of thin candles. Wet earth sank beneath Anakin as he stepped into it. Water dripped onto his head, but he suppressed his shivers.

He had not gone far, when he a wall came into view a few paces in front of him. With caution, Anakin moved his foot forward, but it fell through empty space and, to his relief, landed on a lower surface. He caught his breath and straightened his back. His mechanical hand reached for the wall and found a downward slopping rail. He refused to hold it, but braced himself for a steep descent.

As he suspected, he was on a spiral staircase. He could not see far ahead, for the candles weakened and became less frequent the further he went. The pale granite became speckled with a brown colour, which spread and intensified. Anakin reached the last visible candle and found black rock surrounding it. The flame was so weak that, as he reached for its warmth, it went out, plunging him into total darkness. The candles behind him were obscured by the curve of stairs.

Anakin blinked several times in the hopes of sharpening his vision, but saw no light in any direction. He recalled hearing older Jedi discuss rumours of a Sith Shrine buried beneath the Temple and wondered if he was at the mercy of an ancient evil. Desperate to prove he was not afraid, he decided not to switch on his light sabre until a true threat emerged.

He strode on until he felt the floor flatten. Stones crumbled and fell behind him. He looked left and right, unable to tell which way he was meant to go.

Then an orange glow filled the cave and the rocky tunnel ahead became visible. Anakin navigated it with care and soon found himself in an open space, facing a cliff four times his height. A river of fast flowing magma ran past it, licking at its base. The molten material explained the sudden brightness.

Anakin saw only one means of crossing the wide and deadly channel. The task was difficult, even for one strong in the Force, but he embraced the challenge.

He steadied himself, breathed in and leapt forward, rocketing into the air. As the cool wind ruffled his cloak, he focused on the ledge he was targeting, but, to his shock, found himself falling before he could reach it. His cheek collided with the rough rock. He bit his lip to muffle a shout and managed to grab the cliff edge in time to avoid plummeting into the magma.

He grunted as he spotted a ladder, made from a dull metal which blended with the blackness around it, leaning against the cliff. With his arms tensed, Anakin pulled himself up, then rose to his feet. He glanced back and smiled, impressed by the distance he had jumped.

With a swish of his cloak, he pressed on through the next passage. It was larger and better lit than the others, with lanterns shining from the ceiling. There he at last came across a pair of primitive battle droids. They were the standard units used in the attack on Naboo ten years ago.

As he brandished his light sabre, a larger grapple droid, with green and white plating, marched in from a narrow tunnel this left. Though bulkier than its counterparts it was no match for Anakin, who chopped off its thick arms before it even touched him, causing it to lose balance.

He then evaded the blasts fired by the smaller droids and tossed his sabre at them. It spun through the air, sliced through both their necks and returned to his hand.

Anakin smirked, as his enemies fell. His precise strikes had left their torsos unscratched. The droids twitched on the floor until their central panels sprung open, releasing wisps of smoke. He examined what was left of them and found they each contained a grey hard drive, not a red one. His true target still awaited him.

He stalked towards a gap in the passage wall, then peered through it into a wider chamber. Separatist droids crowded it, patrolling back and forth, leaving little room for an invader to enter. _I was wrong_ , Anakin realised. _The Council did not underestimate me_.

A harsh cry echoed through the tunnel. He turned towards the noise. A row of dank cells lined the right side of the cave. A force field barred his access to the middle one.

In it, Obi-wan lay on a stone slab, with a power generator roaring behind him. Anakin rushed forward as a second, louder scream confirmed his fears. A lever stuck out of the wall beside him, but a plaque beneath it warned that any attempt to force it down would trigger an alarm.

To regain his focus, he recalled the reason he was in the cave. Among the tests he needed to pass was the Trial of Insight, in which a student proved they could read the true intentions of others. R2-D2 had told him that the wired cap tracked sensory signals from his brain and sent them upwards to the Temple towers. He now understood why he was wearing it. The Council needed to know what he was seeing and ordinary cameras did not detect illusions.

"They are testing my attachment to Obi-wan," he said, to those he knew where listening. "He isn't here. He is safe. They respect him too much to harm him. I must move on and complete my mission." Anakin willed his legs to take him onward, but they stiffened at the sight of his master writhing on his back. He groaned, then fell silent, his still body slumped against the stone.

Horrified by the possibility, however slight, that Obi-wan was in grave danger, Anakin clasped the lever and tugged on it with his full strength. It did not move. He yanked it twice more. At last it budged. He bit his lip and pushed it down until it clicked into its new position.

The force field disappeared. Anakin dashed into the cell, ignoring several high-pitched sirens. With three quick slashes of his sabre, he severed the chains which bound the prisoner to the stone by his limbs and the cords pumping electricity into his palms.

With his bare fingers, Anakin broke open the shackles which held his wrists, but those on the ankles were too strong, even for him. He considered using his sabre again, but Obi-wan was thrashing from side to side and he refused to risk hurting him again.

Convinced he had no other choice, Anakin lifted him into his arms and gazed at his twinkling eyes, as he carried him away from the torture device. While staring at his bearded face, he wondered how it would feel to touch it. He held the freed captive close and stroked his cheek with his flesh hand. To his disappointment, it was cold and angular.

"As I suspected," he said, with a sigh, "I saved a droid." Still its resemblance to Obi-wan made Anakin unwilling to let go, as it moaned and grabbed the collar of his cloak. _Even its behaviour matches his_ , he thought. _The Council must be laughing at me for falling for their trick, but I made the right choice._ His only order was to retrieve the hard drive. Now free from the haunting wails of his master, Anakin could finish his task without hesitation or regret.

He left the cell, intending to advance to the chamber ahead, but his adversaries were already filing into the main passage. They belonged to same series as those Anakin had already defeated, with the simpler units in front and the grapple droids making up the rear.

He could have crushed any of them in a solo fight, even while bearing his bulky load, but their numbers made him shudder. Together, they raised their blasters. Anakin spun around to see an identical formation arriving from the other direction.

Surrounded on both sides, he hoisted the droid disguised as Obi-wan onto his left shoulder and drew his sabre. The combat units closed in around him and fired. He spun back and forth deflecting their laser shots. If even one hit him, he would pass out and fail the trails. He could not hold back his opponents for long. He needed to destroy them.

Icy water dripped onto his forehead from above, making him wince. Then an idea struck him. He thrust his sabre into the cave ceiling, burning away the earth around its blade. The battle droids froze. As Anakin pulled back the weapon, loose dirt and liquid poured in through the deep puncture. He stabbed again and cracks spread from its centre, then burst open.

Dirty water gushed down, smothering the droids. One by one they jolted and hit the ground hard. Their panels flew open, as those of the first group had. At the far end of the chamber, a grapple droid collapsed and Anakin caught sight of a red glint. He placed his sabre in his left hand and used the Force to summon the object to his right one.

Anakin took a brief look at the scarlet device, then stowed it away and ran. He dodged the muddy torrents and chased the lanterns ahead, while those behind him crashed to the floor. To protect both his prizes, he struck down any surviving droids which came near him.

After escaping the chaos of the tunnel, Anakin came to a halt atop the dark cliff. With the ceiling right above his head, he did not have room to jump back over the molten river.

He examined the ladder leaning against the cliff. Its structure was not made from durasteel as he had assumed, but a cheaper iron alloy. Though he did not know its precise heat resistance, he doubted it could be submerged in magma without melting and its top was not attached to the cliff. _It should not be standing_ , he realised. _How is it possible_?

Then the answer came. "The magma isn't there," he said aloud, since the cap did not transmit his inner thoughts. He hoped the Council would not penalise him for discovering the deception too late.

With the rescued droid still balanced on his shoulder, he stepped off the cliff and hovered downwards. The magma illusion was vivid enough to make him wince, but he passed through it and made a graceful landing on the smooth ground beneath it.

He walked across what he now knew was an empty trench. A red haze blurred his vision. He squinted, located the platform he had stood on earlier and leapt onto it.

At the entrance to the next passage, Anakin paused. He dug into his pocket, made sure the hard drive was still inside and found a small heap of sand under it. As he threw the pale grains into the trench, he wished the magma was real, so it could melt them. The rough grains had not only surrounded him on Tatooine, but somehow stayed with him for over a month.

He strolled through the passage until he reached the staircase. The instant he crossed its threshold, the glow of the fake magma vanished. To escape the darkness, he hurried up the steps.

By the light of the candles Anakin saw he had a Trade Federation combat unit on his shoulder. He set it down and knelt beside it. The droid wore a brown cloak with a strong scent. He removed the garment, with the aim of returning it to its owner, and exposed a voice box glued to the panel beneath it. The device emitted whimpers which made his heart race. He had not seen Obi-wan in the cell by accident.

As a final act of mercy toward the defenceless droid, which now lay still, he used his sabre to remove its ankle shackles. It followed him as he climbed the staircase. Since it posed no threat, he did nothing to stop it.

Anakin took off the tight cap and wondered how much the Council had noticed. As stupid as he felt for showing affection towards a heartless machine, his power was never compromised, not even for an instant. He did not expect to ever rid himself of his attachments and, with the Force coursing through him, stronger than ever, he saw no reason why he should.

* * *

 _I hope you enjoy this more optimistic chapter. I am glad I made Anakin feel better, because I will be taking a short break to focus on other stories and NaNoWriMo, but I look forward to writing the next chapter._


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